"That Woman You Gave Me": the Adamic Syndrome

How many times have you heard statements like "Lying is as old as mankind?" or "Many people are experts of the blame game?" Why do people tell lies even when the truth seems so obvious? How many people own up their mistakes? Why do many find it easier to blame others for all their mistakes, problems and woes? Am I, or have I been a culprit of this blame game? What excuses have you heard, or proffered, to justify a negative/unwanted behavior?

I remember when one of my nephews years flunked years ago. When asked why he failed, he quickly answered that "he was made to sit at the back of the class!" Another young girl who failed her quiz told me "the teacher passed only his friends!" From the classic "the dog ate my homework" to the most frivolous "my wife made me hit her" or "he caused me to cheat on him," humans are full of excuses, some of which may sound weird, meaningless, crazy, funny, or outright silly!

Could it be that this tendency to not own up is in our genetic make-up? Could it be that we inherited the lying gene from our forebears, Adam and Eve, for those who believe the biblical account of creation? But why do some own up while others do not? Have you heard or read some myths about why women do not own up? I remember one account in Chaucer's "Canterbury Tales."

Remember when God asked a simple question as, "Adam, where are you?" One expected a straightforward answer, right? Wrong, Adam rather answered, "we heard your voice and hid." Now check out his answer to the next question: "What have you done? Have you eaten the fruit I forbade you?" Knowing he had erred, one would think Adam would man-up and apologize to his friend, God. But no, it was not his fault. "That woman you gave me made me eat the fruit!" Wow, Adam! Couldn't he have refused to eat? What does it take to own up to one's mistakes and or errors? Rather than admit his fault, Adam blamed God for giving him Eve in the first place! But did Adam complain when he was presented Eve as a companion? Did he not excitedly accept Eve as "bone of my bone...flesh of my flesh?" Why the sudden flip-flop?

Is it right to say that mankind is afflicted with the Adamic Syndrome! Could that be why many do not own up to their mistakes? But are adults not responsible for their action whether it was their decision or they heeded someone's advice? What are some reasons or excuses you have heard or given to explain your failings? 

Runaway Husband

Nkiru Oh

Disclaimer: all the names in this write-up are fictitious and bear no semblance to anyone dead or alive.

Runaway husband? Can't recollect the last time I read that in the dailies. Yea, I know about runaway brides or wives. I know separation and or divorce are on the increase. But a runaway husband, as in literally running away? Nah...that ain't common at all!

My co-worker, Juma, told me one of the juiciest stories ever! Banfa and Ramota were High school sweethearts. After graduating college, they wedded in a private ceremony in one of the Caribbean islands. That was thirty-five years ago. Their marriage was blessed with four children, two boys and two girls. According to Juma, apart from Banfa's occasional complaints of his wife's increasing rigidity and declining bedmatics, Ramota was not aware of the her husband's ruse until she saw the divorce papers. The rest is now history.

Six months after his divorce, 65 year-old Banfa married the sexy bombshell, Jayatu. After wedding in an elaborate ceremony in Las Vegas, the lovebirds settled in one of the upscale cities of California. Within two months of living together as man and wife, rumors started circulating that Jayatu was cheating. Juma attested to seeing her in a compromising position with two different men who were not related to her or her husband. First time was on their wedding night, second was six weeks after the wedding. You ask why she did not tell her uncle? Well she said didn't want to risk being 'disowned' as was the case with whoever did not support the union!


This year marks their second wedding anniversary and Banfa has already made history! Are you still there? Brace yourself for the juiciest part please! Three weeks ago, Juma got an unexpected visitor in her two-bedroom apartment here in New Jersey! Banfa has run away from both his wife and their eight-bedroom-four full-bath mansion in California! Why? He is afraid for his dear life! Juma is now making sense of the numerous male-enhancing drugs she saw on the nightstand each time she visited her uncle and his new wife. He has taken so many of those drugs that he is afraid of dying of stroke or heart-attack! To make matters worse, even with enhancers, Banfa still could not keep up with the sexual demands of his 24 year-old heartthrob! To cut the long story short, he has filed for divorce! He detests his wife so much that he would not address her by name. He refers to her as "the murderess", and swore that she planned to literally "kill him with sex" so as to take all his money! Or how could anyone explain to him Jayatu's huge apetite for sex? She would not even allow him time to recuperate, which takes some days, before asking fore more. After he foamed in the mouth and fainted during the last sex marathon, he added two and two and ran away! Yes, Banfa ran away and swore to never go back to "the lion's den", as he now calls the beautiful home he once shared with Jayatu!

"If there was strife and contention in the home, very little else in life could compensate for it."--Lawana Blackwell

The Story of a Kidney and an iPad 2

Nkiru Oh

Once upon a time, a 17 year-old Chinese boy wanted to buy an iPad 2 and an iPhone but had no money. Nothing unusual anyway. Then in April of 2011, a broker contacted him on the internet and offered to help him sell one of his kidneys to obtain the gadget! Becoming unsual. Come April 28, 2011, somewhere in Hunan Province China, the broker arranged and a surgeon removed the boy's right kidney...stop right here! Now getting weird! Yes, a surgeon, threw his Hippocratic Oath to the dogs, performed an illegal surgery on a child, in a hospital not qualified to perform organ transplants, to obtain the child's kidney for resell to the highest bidder! If that is not atrocious and heineous, then I do not know what is! People say that wonders shall never end. I choose to say that wonders are just beginning! So many unnatural ocurrences, many in the realms of the absurd and bizarre, that I am beginning to think that the world may actually be coming to an end! I mean, literally!

Adults are supposed to be wiser. They are supposed to protect children. Often times, education is  equated with nobility. If this is so, how does one explain the this surgeon who was one of the five miscreants in the kidney-for-iPhone/iPad case? How low can humans go? How wicked can some people be? And to think that the devil-incarnate-broker gave the boy about $3,500 out of $31,500 realized from d sale, and split the rest of the money with the surgeon and his other partners-in-crime! Oh by the way, the boy now is said to have renal problem, and his condition is deteriorating! Hope those criminals rot in prison for the rest of their wretched lives...and that is after they would have been made to donate one kidney each for a good cause! Damned souls..


"It's motive alone that gives character to the actions of men."--Jean De la Bruyere

AIRBORNE

Disclaimer: all the names in this write-up are fictitious and bear no semblance to anyone living or dead.

My very good friend, Jasmine, shared this story with me. It happened to someone we knew from years back. I promised to share every juicy story I came across with you. This is one heck of a juicy story. Oh, did I have a good laugh! It wouldn't have been funny at the initial time, but hey, time heals most wounds. The person involved now laughs about it so why won't I? Call up your imaginative self and come with me: Vivienne and Doug have been having an affair for about two years. As at the time of this story, Vivienne was a fourth year student in one of the colleges out of state while Doug lived in New Jersey with his wife of seventeen years and their three kids.

One weekend in August of 2011, Vivienne was coming to spend a four-day weekend with her man. Her busy schedule made it impossible to visit often. Doug promised her a special surprise and a memorable weekend. He took the Thursday and Friday off to have ample time for his girl, rented a suite in a hotel out of town, ready to have a blast!

As soon as she boarded the plane, as agreed, Vivienne called and informed Doug. The journey normally takes one and a half hours. "Yes...today is the day," Doug muttered. "Today she will experience the new Douglas Jimka...aah...Vivienne will know that I am the man!" He was whistling and dancing to Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing" as he took the maximum dose of a new Aphrodisiac he bought off the world wide web. Its onset is about one hour and the effects last for 36 hours! According to the manufacturers, the man should commence action as soon as the effects of the drug start! Thirty minutes after taking the drug, a heavy storm was announced. Yes, Doug and Vivienne knew about the oncoming storm but convinced themselves that Vivienne would have arrived in New Jersey before it would start!

"Hell No...it cannot be! Who-t da f...damn! Rerouting the plane? What do these fools mean by diverting the plane? For what?" Three hours later, Vivienne was still airborne! Doug was airborne too, having gone from being very uncomfortable to having excruciating pain and a fever. His erected manhood was near breaking point! He found it impossible to stand, sit or lie down! The slightest movement hurt as if someone was tugging on his genital to severe it from his body!  Even the touch of his briefs or bed linen caused intense pain! That was when he called Jasmine wailing! Masturbation was out of the question...the severity of the pain ruled out such act! Go to the Emergency room? But what would he tell the doctor...and then his wife...yes, his wife who knew he went to a conference in San Francisco? No...the hospital was not an option! He wrapped his rigid sex organ in ice-cold wash cloth and got some relief. By the time Vivienne arrived four hours later, Doug was too exhausted to perform. He would not even let Vivienne come too close, afraid that she might exacerbate the pain! And he could not go home either. For three days, the two sulking lovers stayed in their love nest but lover-boy, Douglas, could not get an arousal!


"One cannot manage too many affairs: like pumpkins in the water, one pops up while you try to hold down the other."-Chinese proverb 

Man's Inhumanity: "Let the World See!"

Nkiru Oh

My body cringed after watching a CNN video footage of the slaughtering of about a dozen family members in the Syrian city of Homs, people believed to oppose the government. Not the first time I have seen gory pictures, but I have not been able to comprehend the insanity involved in such heinous acts! My questions have remained, why are human beings so wicked? Why should man kill fellow humans under every flimsy excuse? How can any human being have the heart to hurt or kill a child? What joy does any anyone derive from the massacre of the innocents? What has slaughtering a family got to do with opposing the government? Do humans not have the right to oppose a regime? Wouldn't it be so boring if there are no opposing voices? Are we not yet done with dictators? I really don't get it. Honestly, I don't, and it hurts me real bad!


Syria is said to be a nation with a Sunni majority governed by a minority Alawite, an offshoot sect of Shia Islam. Am thinking, why can't humans coexist peacefully. Animals of same specie live together. They do not attack, kill or eat each other. Why can't humans do the same? If Islam is a religion of peace, why should one sect slaughter members of another sect? Are the different sects not worshipping the same Allah? Where lies the peace as stipulated by the Quran? Why do humans twist the teachings of their religion to suit their selfish motives? Where is the love?

Mind you, this is not an attack on or condemnation of Islam or Muslims. Never! I just do not understand all the massacre going on in the world. Are wars the only option? How about dialogue? From the indiscriminate killing of innocent citizens in Afghanistan by a rogue soldier, to the murder of Trayvon Martin by a racist lunatic, and then this! How do those murderers sleep at night after spilling the much blood of the innocents? Do they believe in God? What do they tell their God in prayers? Are they so wicked that human lives mean nothing to them? What can be done to stop all these killings? One of the rescuers in the CNN video said, "let the world see". The world has seen, then what? How much blood should be spilled before the powers that be do something? Give your suggestions please!

Could That Be Bell's Palsy or...?

Disclaimer: this write-up is not intended for medical diagnosis or treatment or as a substitute for consultation with a qualified health care professional. It's solely to increase awareness about Bell's palsy.

Nandi woke up one morning and noticed that one side of her face was swollen. She touched her face but felt stiff; half her face was drooping; she had one-sided smile; and her eyes would not close! No way, this can't be true! She tried to ignore the whole saga unfolding by concentrating on her morning chores. Within few hours Nandi was having headaches, pain around her jaws and inside her ears on the affected side, and a decrease in her ability to taste.

By now she had become very alarmed! She tried to cry but the tears would not come. Nandi found out she could not make facial expressions! Not only that, she had developed increased sensitivity to sound on that affected side. That side was becoming weaker too. She looked at her face in the mirror and almost fainted from fright and the caricature-like image of her face. "This is it," Nandi cried! "Someone must have charmed me in the village! O God why? So this is how am gonna die! O God, why me?" Mind you Nandi returned from a visit to her native country three days prior. Wait a minute! Poor Nandi just experienced signs and symptoms of Bell's palsy without knowing it!

Bell's palsy occurs when the nerve (cranial nerve VII) that controls facial muscles on one side of your face becomes swollen or inflamed. When this happens, your face feels stiff and droops. Herpes simplex virus, which also causes cold sores and genital herpes, is said to be the most common cause. Other viruses that have been linked to Bell's palsy include:

• The virus that causes chickenpox and shingles (herpes zoster)
• The virus that causes mononucleosis (Epstein-Barr)
• Another virus in the same family (cytomrgavirus)

A mild case of this sickness disappears within a month but recovery from a case involving total paralysis differs. For most people, "Bell's palsy symptoms improve within a few weeks, with complete recovery in three to six months. About 10 percent will experience a recurrence of Bell's palsy, sometimes on the other side of the face. A small number of people continue to have some Bell's palsy signs and symptoms for life."

 Before you accuse that old man/woman in the village, or the wicked neighbor who recently gave you an evil look, or that person who had a fight with you at work, or in the dream last week, or..., please, see your physician first!  

Below are some  images of faces affected by Bell's palsy (from Google Image):

Hello Sexy!

Nkiru Oh

Hello y'all! Just wanna share this with you. Can't keep such fun without sharing! Won't be nice of me, you know. Now tell me, have you ever laughed so hard that your stomach hurt for days? I mean, kinda laughed so 'laughiously' that you almost peed in your pants or shed tears? That was no ordinary laugh right? By the way, who cares whether 'laughiously' is an English word or not! At least, it serves its purpose to quantify the kind of laughter I am talking about! The 'rolling on the floor' type of laugh!

Well, my friends and I did all of the above few weeks ago! My co-worker and friend, Becky (not real name) made us almost 'laugh our heads off' as one of my Ghanaian friends would say! We were in a party. I implore you to close your eyes and imagine the scene as we go along! You may turn off the lights too if that helps to conjure a better imagery! My friend Becky is the kinda person that lightens the room with her personality.

So, we were in a party! Becky wore this gorgeous wrap-around skirt. That day she dressed to kill and she wanted the world to notice! Here we were on the dance floor; Becky in her 4 1/2 inch high heel shoes parading the length and breath of the hall, swinging, flinging, wriggling, wiggling, twisting, taunting, and flaunting her assets in her well-rehearsed manner! You know what I mean, right? Lo and behold, the unexpected happened: Becky was all the way near the high table in the front when someone hushed, Oh my Gawd wha da heeell...!" We looked ahead to find Becky's skirt lying on the floor, a good ten feet away from her, while she was busy cat walking and mingling!!! Holly Molly! With one accord, the whole house roared and roared and roared! That day made me realize that we laugh in various languages! I heard myself laughing in English, Igbo, Hausa, Yoruba and Ijaw! I heard some laughing in Chinese, Deutsch, Arabic, Swahili, German, French, Creole and other languages I did not know! And that was when Becky turned...saw...and...temporarily froze!

Are y'all still with me? What happened was that Becky wore a black, tight boy short underneath the skirt. Thank God it was clean and not torn too! (Please remind me to tell y'all the story of the man with a torn underwear). So, because of the way the short clung tightly around her, she did not feel it when her skirt wriggled off while she continued with her 'notice me' behavior! I believe her skirt wanted to prove that 'what a woman can do, a recalcitrant skirt can do better?' Thank God for the gentleman who quickly picked the 'notice-me-skirt' and gave it back to the rightful owner! Becky nicely put it back and the fun continued uninterrupted! Becky almost 'laughed her head off' too! And everyone was happily ever after!

Where Have All the Nice Girls Gone?

Nkiru Oh

Many a time, a male friend or acquaintance has asked me where he could find "a nice girl" to marry? I often dismissed such question with a wave of hand. I had presumed those men were being unreasonably picky. My recent encounter with Jason (not real name) made me re-evaluate my stand. Come to think of it, "where really have all the nice girls gone?" This question got me thinking and asking my own series of questions! And "where have all the good men gone?"

How many times have you heard a man talk about searching for Miss Right, or a woman talk about looking or waiting for Mr. Right or her Soul Mate? My question remains: how prepared is the man or woman to meet that right person? Yes, everyone has a 'list' of what he/she wants from a mate. How about what the mate may be looking for in you? The questions I asked Jason few weeks ago apply to all the single men and women out there who are looking for that right mate. How long is your list? How 'meetable' are your goals? Are there things on your list that are pushing likely 'catches' away? Are you looking for the impossible, or the 'impossicant' as I sometimes term it just for emphasis? Are you living in the present or past?

One look at Jason's list made me ask him whether he was looking for a slave or a wife? If you have a penchant for trying to change your mate, then you seriously need to re-evaluate your list! If a girl is fond of stopping her man from what he enjoys, then she has a long time to wait! So how long is your list girl? Men do not want a girl with a long list, or one full of  'don'ts' and 'never'! Girls do not want that either!

So where have all the nice girls gone? Where are all the good men? Are you mentally prepared to meet that right person? Are you working towards that or are you waiting for a chance encounter? I mean, if you want something, go for it. Hey girls, please, I did not say be desperate! Desperation scares the crap outta likely potentials! I said, go for it and that entails preparing yourself, being ready to be the Mr. Right/ Miss Right so that when you meet your mate, two of you will form a nice fit! I liken dating to being ready for a job. If one wants a position, it's better to prepare oneself for that position by acquiring the needed skills or training so that when the opportunity knocks, one readily answers! You want an independent woman, for example? Are you independent? You want a mate with 'potentials'? I have heard this uncountable number of times from both sexes! My question: what are your potentials? You want an educated, intelligent man? Are you educated and intelligent? Oh yes, the man wants a woman that is driven? Are you driven? What drives you?

How often do you review your list? Are you aware that the Mr. or Miss Right you seek has his or her own list? Are there things you are willing to compromise? Do you need to climb down from your high horse? Are you suffering from an over bloated ego? While I suggest you do not compromise your ideals, those things that make you who you are, I also advice that you do not over-rate yourself! Are you Mr. Right yourself? Or are you waiting for your Miss Right to come around to either "mother you" or "accept you as you are?" Really? How about you being the right person while looking for your right match? Or are you projecting your inadequacies onto the potential? Are you blaming whoever you meet for having a false sense of value cos of your below average standards? Mmmmm, not a good idea, you know! Prepare yourself. Do not concentrate on finding the right person. Work more on being the right person yourself so that when you meet your Miss or Mr. Right, none of you would wanna let go!

Permit me to inform you that my conversation with Jason opened his eyes! He later told me that he revisited his list and made some necessary adjustments. Thank you Jason for your honest appraisal of self? Before you start condemning every opposite sex, are you willing and ready to to do an honest self-appraisal? Do you know where you are lacking? Are you too righteous to err, the Mr. and Miss Perfects of the world? Are you ready to accept your shortcomings and readjust your list? Are you willing and ready to learn, unlearn, and relearn certain things? I'll be glad to hear from you!

MEN AND DIABETES...and Women Too!

Nkiru Oh

Disclaimer: this write-up is not meant to be used for medical diagnosis or treatment or as a substitute for consultation with a qualified health care professional. It is merely to raise awareness about Type 2 Diabetes!

I recently discovered one more reason why I should always love and be thankful for being a woman! After reading the BBC news article of 10/3/2011, titled "Men 'more prone to type 2 diabetes", am like, "thank God I am a woman!" Men must be wondering why I am jubilant. Let me clarify please. I ain't happy because men are more prone to developing diabetes. Am ecstatic because having extra subcutaneous fat on the behind and hips are beneficial, at least for once! Yippee!

According to researchers, men are 'biologically susceptible' to diabetes. How? Why? They store their fat in their liver and waist, two bad areas for fat storage! Women, on the other hand, are said to be endowed with more fat storage havens on their thighs and hips! Yes, thighs and hips as opposed to the liver and the waist! Due to this difference in fat distribution, the researchers opined that whereas men "need to gain far less weight than women to develop the condition...women need to accumulate more fat overall than men to develop the harmful fat deposits linked with diabetes." Mmmm...! And when I remember another finding that women who breastfeed for long have decreased risks of some cancers, I went wow, women are the bomb! Mothers with flat boobs can rejoice after all! Yea, their flat boobs have paid off, and exponentially too!

But before all the heavy-set ladies get carried away, let us remember that storing our excess fat in those two aforementioned areas have their health risks also! Besides diabetes, think about severe joint problems! Imagine being crippled by arthritis! How about being at higher risk for chronic conditions as hypertension and high cholesterol; coronary heart disease; stroke; gallbladder disease; some cancers, yes for example, colon, endometrial,etc; sleep apnea and other respiratory problems? You bet these are killer diseases if left unchecked! Gosh, what a jab! So what next? I have started to work on my excesses! Can't afford to not wear my block-heeled shoes! Diabetes scares the crap outta me too! You might as well start on yours. Seems nice if we share our ideas and compare notes later! What do you think?

The Glasgow University research team also found that men developed diabetes at a lower Body Mass Index (BMI) than women. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), BMI is a number "calculated from a person's weight and height...[which] provides a reliable indicator of body fatness for most people and is used to screen for weight categories that may lead to health problems." It is a tool for indicating weight status in adults in relation to height. BMI ranges are as follows (from CDC):

BMI	Weight Status
Below 18.5	Underweight
18.5—24.9	Normal
25.0—29.9	Overweight
30.0 and Above	Obese

Some classify BMI of 40.0 and above as Morbidly (deadly) Obese. Below are guides to calculating BMI (from CDC):

Measurement Units	Formula and Calculation
Kilograms and meters (or centimeters)	Formula: weight (kg) / [height (m)]2 With the metric system, the formula for BMI is weight in kilograms divided by height in meters squared. Since height is commonly measured in centimeters, divide height in centimeters by 100 to obtain height in meters. Example: Weight = 68 kg, Height = 165 cm (1.65 m) Calculation: 68 ÷ (1.65)2 = 24.98 [ie. 68/1.65=41.212/1.65=24.977=24.98]
Pounds and inches	Formula: weight (lb) / [height (in)]2 x 703 Calculate BMI by dividing weight in pounds (lbs) by height in inches (in) squared and multiplying by a conversion factor of 703. Example: Weight = 150 lbs, Height = 5'5" (65") Calculation: [150 ÷ (65)2] x 703 = 24.96  [ie 150/65=2.307/65=0.0355x703=24.95=24.96]

Note that 1foot=12 inches; 1kg=2.2lbs

Also, note that BMI is not a diagnostic tool! It is only one factor related to risk for disease. To assess one's likelihood of developing overweight- or obesity-related diseases, the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute recommends looking at two other predictors:

• One's waist circumference (because abdominal fat is a predictor of risk for obesity-related diseases). [40ins or less for men; 35ins or less for women. Note that waist circumference is measured around the navel and not below the waist...*wink*]
• Other risk factors one has for diseases and conditions associated with obesity (for example, high blood pressure or physical inactivity.

Consider the following too: as per CDC:

At the same BMI, women tend to have more body fat than men.

At the same BMI, older people, on average, tend to have more body fat than younger adults.
Highly trained athletes may have a high BMI because of increased muscularity rather than increased body fatness.

In effect, both men and women need to be aware of the issues at stake and how to reduce the risk of developing Type 2 diabetes. The disease is caused by too much sugar in the blood. This happens when the body stops making enough insulin or becomes unable to utilize the insulin produced to regulate sugar levels in its various organs! Anyone who is overweight should try to avoid gaining additional weight. And, being overweight with other risk factors (such as high LDL cholesterol, low HDL cholesterol, or high blood pressure), pose more risk! Weight loss is advised. Even a small weight loss (just 10% of one's current weight) may help lower the risk of disease. But please consult with your physician about the best weight loss regimen for you!

ADDICTED TO PRESCRIPTION DRUGS!- Part One

By Nkiru Oh

Disclaimer: This write-up is not meant to be used for medical diagnosis or treatment or as a substitute for consultation with a qualified health care professional. It is merely to create awareness of this brain disease known as "drug addiction".

Addiction, whether to food or drugs, is a terrible disease which has destroyed many lives! According to Webster's, a disease is "any departure from health presenting marked symptoms; malady, illness; disorder." Addiction is a departure from health and all it stands for! The American Society of Addiction Medicine aptly depicts addiction as "a disease process characterized by the continued use of a specific psychoactive substance despite physical, psychological or social harm," The addict continues despite the harm to self, others and society. The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) defines drug addiction as "a chronic, relapsing brain disease that is characterized by compulsive drug seeking and use, despite harmful consequences." It is termed a brain disease because "drugs change the brain...its structure and how it works...[and] these brain changes can be long lasting, and can lead to the harmful behaviors seen in people who abuse drugs." Drug addiction is a killer-disease which has destroyed, and still is destroying lives on a daily basis!

 Sad as it is, drug addicts have the need to use drugs to "feel normal." The compulsion is so overwhelming that the user becomes highly preoccupied with obtaining the drugs of choice, through legal or illegal means, to satisfy the cravings. Nothing else matters until that need for a shot is met! Abrupt stop of use or failure to satisfy the cravings leads to serious and or painful withdrawal symptoms. Four  things that easily come to mind are 1. Addiction is a disease. 2. Addicts are not weak-willed! Their brains react differently to effects of drugs. 3. Addicts need help to stop! and 4. Relapse is common!
Drugs of abuse, according to the NIDA include Alcohol; Cocaine (powerful, addictive stimulant); Inhalants; LSD;  Ecstasy (one of the deadliest); PCP (Phencyclidine); Hallucinogens; Heroin (highly addictive, most abused and most rapidly acting opiate); Marijuana; Methamphetamine; Anabolic Steroids; Tobacco/Nicotine; and Prescription Drugs. This write-up concentrates on Prescription drug addiction because it seems to be  the least emphasized by society and medical personnel.
Many erroneously believe that an addict is only one hooked to crack, cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine, PCP and other illegal drugs but prescription drugs are said to be the "second most commonly abused category of drugs, behind marijuana and ahead of cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine and other drugs," and thousands die every year from drug addiction. Prescription drugs become addictive when they are used for non-medical purposes or in a manner "inconsistent with their labeling or for reasons they were not prescribed." Because the doctor prescribed it does not make it okay to use drugs other than what it is meant for or to share it with one it wasn't ordered for. Its addictive effects are also dangerous as drugs obtained illegally from the streets.

Prescription drugs most often abused include: OPIATES and MORPHINE DERIVATIVES: Examples, oxycodone (Oxycontin),  propoxyphene (Darvon), hydrocodone (Vicodin), hydromorphone (Dilaudid), meperidine (Demerol) and diphenoxylate (Lomotil), also used for cough and diarrhea, Codeine, Morphine, Fentanyl, and others. Opiates are very potent pain killers often used to relieve post surgical pain. They act "directly on the respiratory center in the brain stem, slowing down a person’s breathing." When used in excess, an opiate can "cause the respiratory centers to shut down breathing altogether, causing death." Health hazards from long term use include developing tolerance for the drugs: one must take higher doses to achieve the same initial effects; lowered heart rate & blood pressure; unconsciousness; coma; death; especially when mixed with alcohol! When used as directed by a physician, opiates are said to be safe and generally do not produce addiction. But bear in mind they are said to "also possess very strong reinforcing properties and can quickly trigger addiction when used improperly." Adhering to the doctor's order cannot be overemphasized!

DEPRESSANTS: the barbiturates, (Amytal, Seconal, Nembutal, Phenobarbital), benzodiazepines (Ativan,Valium, Xanax, Librium) and sleep medications as zolpidem (Ambien), zaleplon (Sonata), eszopiclone (Lunesta) and so on. These highly addictive drugs are used for anxiety, panic and sleep disorders.  Intoxicating effects include: "Sedation/drowsiness, reduced anxiety, feelings of well-being, lowered inhibitions, slurred speech, poor concentration, confusion, dizziness, impaired coordination and memory." Lowered inhibitions lead to bizarre behaviors! Possible adverse effects include lowered blood pressure, slowed breathing, tolerance, withdrawal, addiction; increased risk of respiratory distress and death when combined with alcohol. Long term users are advised to seek the assistance of medical professionals to stop use. Attempting to stop on their own may have serious withdrawal consequences!

 STIMULANTS: a class of drugs said to increase brain activity: alertness, attention, and energy that is accompanied "by elevated blood pressure, increased heart rate and respiration." These include amphetamines (Dexedrine, Adderall), methylphenidate (Concerta, Ritalin), and are used in weight loss treatment programs, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and sleep disorders. Users are said to express feelings of exhilaration, increased energy and mental alertness. Abuse of these drugs may lead to feelings of hostility and paranoia; dangerously high body temperature; increased heart rate and blood pressure, tremors, stroke, heart attack, aggression, hallucinations, panic, impulsive behavior, irritability, delirium, seizures, and obviously death!
Besides the risks these drugs pose when used on their own, greater risks occur when they are combined with other drugs or with alcohol. Serious adverse effects from drug interactions are emphasized!
In effect, drug addiction, which is an improper use of medications, is a disease with brutal consequences, and an addict needs help to stop! Do not be an enabler rather be a helper! Next we will discuss why people take drugs and signs and symptoms of drug addiction...

The Battle of the Sexes: the Role of the Wife

By Nkiru Oh

The war between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law still rages. What are some of the issues at stake? What can be done to stop this war? Part one of this write-up treated some issues with the mothers-in-law. This part tries to analyze the roles of daughters-in-law to create, maintain, and, or restore peace in their families.

Sometime ago, a young girl told me that her prayer was to never marry a man whose mother was still alive! Shocked as I was, I quickly comported myself so I would not scare her further. When I asked her reasons, she gave me more than an earful which space would not allow me to repeat here. Her main fear was that all mothers-in-law are evil and therefore do not deserve to live! According to her, they hate their sons' wives and are always bent on breaking their marriages!  Do not crucify her please! When a young person makes an assertion such as this, it is one's responsibility as a matured adult to try and find out the root, and help assuage her fears, otherwise one makes things worse!

The questions I asked my young friend apply to every woman out there who share similar beliefs: Do you have a mother? Do you have brothers? Would you want your mother to die before your brothers get married? Do you intend to get married and, or become a mother some day? Assuming you have sons, would you want to die before they get married so you won't be a mother-in-law? When she answered, "God forbid" to my last question, I could see the fear in her eyes of the possibility of my question! I continued, if you have daughters, would you want to see them maltreated by their mothers-in-law or any one else? My friend confirmed she never thought that deep in her entire life!

What then is the fight about? Is the wife too possessive or a control freak? Does she see her husband as her extension? Couples are not extensions of each other please! Some men, in their love-crazed 'trance', tell their fiancees who initially objected to the relationship, what each person said and to whom. (The role of men in this war is another topic, please, bear with me). Has the wife forgiven those people? Is she ready to move on or has she come into the marriage battle-drawn ready? Due to this 'halo effect' on the part of the wife, the mother-in-law now becomes her number one enemy. And that is very wrong! Did any of her relatives advice her to "shine her eyes"? Doesn't it feel great to do the right thing and forget about the nay-sayers?

Again, does the wife see her husband's relatives as parasites? Is the husband the sole provider? Does she know he still has some role to play in his family? Would she want her brothers to neglect her mother and siblings because they got married? If no, why then would she advise her man to hands off his family after marriage? Does she see her mother-in-law as a rival? Does she know she is the wife and not his mother? Does she play her role as his wife and allow his mother to play hers? Am not saying women should not look out for their husbands. They should, after all, they have been joined to become one. But while protecting him and his interests, the wife must remember the man had a family before they became one! I know the man, his wife and their kids form the nuclear family. But we still need our extended families to cherish and to hold! Or are we gonna dispose of everybody simply because Bros got married? What joy to know one can count on those relatives!
Yes, there are mothers who belong to the group of the "Insatiables" and the "Mean-spirited"! Hey, one should adopt the golden rule: "do unto others as you would wish them do unto you", and reap the rewards that come with it! Mutual respect needs to be imbibed! And the men have a great role to play too...

THE BEAUTIFUL YOU!

By Nkiru Oh
Some things baffle me and I want to share them with you. Hopefully, you may explain them better to me. I have observed that many blacks are turning white. I mean blacks from African nations such as Nigeria, Ghana, Liberia, and Sierra Leone. So what's this rave about skin bleaching all about? Do those people know the implications of bleaching their skin? Who says one must be fair or bleach one's skin to be beautiful? What are those people really thinking? Somebody explain please!

See, I was taught that our skin is our largest organ whose major function is to protect us from "microbes and the elements." It also helps to "regulate body temperature, and permits the sensations of touch, heat, and cold." Imagine being rigid! Mmmmm...! How about serving as "a waterproof covering that prevents excessive loss or gain of bodily moisture." No wonder they look so dry! So why should people destroy the epidermis, the first layer that creates skin tone, thus exposing the dermis, second layer with its connective tissue, hair follicles and sweat glands, to danger? Does anyone think of the harmful chemicals used in those bleaching products or their adverse effects?

It's not my business, right? It becomes my business when some one stands or sits next to you smelling like rotten fish! Am not being harsh. It's the truth! It becomes my business when someone, trust me they like to come close to your face and put their arms around your neck, comes within earshot and you become nauseated and sick to your stomach due to the stench of dead skin that is sloughing! What torment! Yes, it becomes my business when someone holds her hand out for a handshake and you quickly withdraw yours because her hand looks soooo dry and lifeless with black and white blotches on the knuckles! Gosh, those blotches, eeewwww! And when they get sick, my tax money goes into their care!

Will never forget one of my class mates in College. She bleached herself so much that she could not go in the sun without covering her entire body except the face. Even her bra straps caused her damage. As she put it "sunburn renders a bleached skin permanently black." Why go through the hassle then? Her skin looked so bad, not to her though, that one day a Prof. in our Health class used her to explain the disease, Vitiligo! Damn! The Prof. had no clue that 'beauty is just skin deep!'

What is more shocking is that men now bleach too! I have seen many men with "Fanta-Face-Coke- Legs", and "Guinness Stout-Knuckles" like those women too! How about the bleached necks that now look like turkey and or vulture necks as the necks of those women too! Can someone please tell them to stop trying to shake my hands! Their knuckles scare the crap outta me! And they shouldn't come too close either. I need to breathe too!

The Battle of the Sexes-Part One

 By Nkiru Oh

For years a battle has been raging between mothers-in-law versus daughters-in-law. This ongoing war does not seem to abate soon. So my question remains why? Why do many women find it difficult to co-exist with others? What is the battle for? One is the mother. The other is the wife. So what, in God's name, are they fighting for? Why would two people who profess to love the same man not live peacefully? Come to think of it, why is it that fathers-in-law do not wage wars with their sons' wives? Does it mean men are easier to please? Are they more understanding? Is it right to say that men are less competitive for their children's attention? Or that men are more matured? Is it now obvious that men feel more secured than women? Why must the battle be between the women? What is the matter with some of us? What are we fighting for? I need answers please!

Before any woman or mother feels offended, I am a woman and a mother too! I want us to join hands to end this war! A woman was strangled by her mother-in-law for giving birth to a third girl! Another was set ablaze for similar reason! Yet another was stripped naked because the son refused to give money to his mother, and it must be the wife's fault! Oh, another would call her son 5:30 AM almost daily for some 'crucial' meeting. Why, you may ask? Because she knows that is when the couple does some early morning stuff! Don't forget the mother who insists on cooking for her sons even after marriage. Really? Is she the mother or the wife? What is she trying to prove? The list is endless! What is going on women? Where is the love you said you have for your son? I believe that if you love someone, you wanna see that person happy. Right?

If a mother, wrecks her son's marriage/family, where then is the love? God bless my mother! Never heard that she quarreled with my brothers' wives! On one occasion when one of my brothers said an unkind word to his wife, and he had the nerve to do so in our mom's presence, Lord have mercy... he did not like what he got! We all joined our mother to give him some mouthfuls. Yes, we gave him enough for a lifetime! ( By the way, the case with the sisters-in-law is the subject of another write-up). My brother never tried the bull crap again! Am not saying my brother has a perfect marriage. No one does. But my mother did not compete with her sons' wives! That means it can be done! There can be peace between mothers and their sons' wives!
Okay, the mother gave birth to a son, nurtured him, went through thick and thin to see that he turned out well. Yes? I almost forgot, she carried him for nine long months...aha! Now what? Children should love and honor their parents. To me as a Christian, that is not to be compromised. But the love for a mother is different from that for a wife! And that is what some mothers fail to understand. That she does not approve of the girl is not a reason to torment her! She is her son's choice! She does not choose for her son. Or is she saying her son is foolish or not matured enough to know what he wants? Why wont she give peace a chance and enjoy the privilege extended to her?

Besides, some mothers tend to forget that they were once some one's daughter-in-law. And their daughters are married into other families too. Even if she has only sons, so what? Won't it be nice for mothers to treat their daughters-in-law the way they would want their daughters to be treated? Won't it be better if mothers should relax and allow the younger couple to live their lives while according them all due respect? Won't it be great that they accept their sons' wives as part of the family and stop seeing them as usurpers and rivals? Mothers should remember that their sons' wives are some one's daughters, and hopefully, will become mothers some day! It's all about letting go, cutting the apron strings, loving one's son enough to accept that he has become a man, a husband, and one day, a father! The daughters-in-law have a great role to play for peace to reign. But that will be discussed in Part 2..............

THE LETTER

By Nkiru Oh

(Disclaimer: all the names in this write-up are fictitious and not associated with anyone living or dead)

Otunba and Uduak had been married for 27 years. The couple were blessed with four children, twin boys, Miogbon and Mobolaji, and two girls, Ekaete and Takumi. Uduak, 48, was a 12th grade mathematics teacher in one of the high schools in New Jersey.

After twenty years as an accountant with a top notch firm in New York, Otunba retired and became self-employed. He exported fairly used cars to their native country Naija. His nature of business entailed a lot of traveling. He often went to Naija two weeks after the container had shipped. After selling the cars and whatever he shipped, he brought back ethnic foodstuffs which he resold to the ethnic food stores in the tri-state area (New Jersey, New York and Connecticut) with a high profit margin. On occasions when he did not sell everything during his trips, he supplied them to his customers who later paid the money into his domiciliary account.

Tall and handsome with broad shoulders, Otunba, at 58, looked ten years younger than his age. His smiles were disarming. His friends called him a 'ladies man'. More than twice Uduak had to forbid some of Takumi's female friends from coming over to their house because of their provocative dressings and the manner at which her husband stole glances at them. The children and their dad teased her for being too 'local' and weird. Otunba often commented that his wife left the village but the village never left her.

As time went on, Otunba started staying longer in Naija. Three weeks increased to four, five, six weeks, and then up to three months or more. Every subsequent trip lasted longer than the one before. His late-night phone calls increased too. He was getting too many customers who wanted him to buy cars for them. So why should he restrict their calls? 

"Otunba why do you now need to hide to answer your calls?" Uduak asked him one night when she woke up to use the bathroom at 2 o'clock in the morning and did not see him in bed. She became anxious but finally found him in the guest bathroom, with the lights out, talking on his cell phone.
"If you must know, Mrs. Curious Monkey, I do not want to disturb my wife's sleep! I mean, why should I?...here, take the phone and talk to Mr. Ibe, my agent cum major customer in Abuja...ask him why he is bringing many business deals to your husband? Go ahead, ask him...women and their troubles! You never satisfy them!" He walked past his wife and went back to bed. Uduak rejoined him, unconvinced by his feigned anger!

With time, Otunba started complaining about most things ranging from the food to sex. Every night he surfed the social networks for hours. Then he started chewing Viagra like candies and began asking for all kinds of sexual positions: the dog style, figure-8, figure-6, twist, humpy-hump, monkey style, and so on. Uduak's face-me-I-face-you (missionary) position no longer appealed to him. The fact that  she could not satisfy her husband's sexual appetite was alarming. She complained to the children who asked her to learn to live with the times!

Uduak went into a mild depression, started losing weight which turned her husband off the more. One day, after returning from one of his trips to Naija, Otunba did the unthinkable: he demanded a threesome and gave his wife one week to fulfil it! The tone of his voice when he said those words convinced her that he meant it! It was more like a monosyllabic whisper. One week passed, Uduak did nothing. She was confused. Then two weeks, nothing. On the third week came another bombshell: either Uduak gave him a threesome or he would file for divorce!

The chips were down! Uduak wept for three days! She did not want a divorce. Her religion and upbringing were against that. Her problem was consuming her. Her work started to suffer. Her colleagues noticed. The principal inquired but Uduak told everyone that everything was okay.

One day after Uduak had missed school again, her colleague, Twana, came to visit. Initially Uduak was reluctant to confide in Miss T, as students and staff called Twana. When Miss T told her the rumor circulating in school about her, Uduak broke down and cried her hearts out. 

" I will do it for you Uduak. If that's all he wants, common now, I will do it for you."

"You sure Miss T?"

"Of course, Uduak, and I swear with my life, no soul will hear about it unless you or Otunba spilled the beans!"
"You sure, Miss Twana Ivers? Look me in the eyes and promise me that I will not regret this!"
"Yes, I am sure, Mrs. Uduak Otunba! I have sworn with my life...and believe me, you will thank me for everything!" she reiterated.

Uduak got up, wiped her tears and embraced her new best friend and confidante, "after all a threesome is better than the rumor of me having HIV/AIDS!" Thus Uduak saved her marriage! Everyone was happy. Otunba reduced the duration of his trips. To him, "what was the point spending his hard earned cash on those undergrads in Naija when Miss T provided better services and for less?" He professed that life had gone back to normal or even better! He did not mind when Uduak started spending more time at Miss T's apartment or going places in her company.

Three months after the special affair began, Otunba came home to an almost empty house! Was he in a dream? Was he in his house or what? He pinched himself severally to make sure he was still alive. Where was his wife? What happened to her, her belongings, and the new living room set he bought the week before? He went "No...No...Noooo!" On the night stand in his bedroom was a letter in his wife's hand-writing. He took one look at it and collapsed on the bedroom floor and let out a shriek, "No...No...No...Noooooooooooooo! God forbid! God forbid! Nooooooooooooooo!"

After he summoned up enough courage, Otunba re-read the letter which began thus, "My beloved Otunba, Thank you very much for giving me one of the best gifts ever...!" He could not take it any more. He threw up and passed out  right there! When he came to, the reality hit him full force again. His beloved wife, Uduak, had left him and moved out of state with her new lover, Miss Twana Ivers.