By Nkiru Oh
For years a battle has been raging between mothers-in-law versus daughters-in-law. This ongoing war does not seem to abate soon. So my question remains why? Why do many women find it difficult to co-exist with others? What is the battle for? One is the mother. The other is the wife. So what, in God's name, are they fighting for? Why would two people who profess to love the same man not live peacefully? Come to think of it, why is it that fathers-in-law do not wage wars with their sons' wives? Does it mean men are easier to please? Are they more understanding? Is it right to say that men are less competitive for their children's attention? Or that men are more matured? Is it now obvious that men feel more secured than women? Why must the battle be between the women? What is the matter with some of us? What are we fighting for? I need answers please!
Before any woman or mother feels offended, I am a woman and a mother too! I want us to join hands to end this war! A woman was strangled by her mother-in-law for giving birth to a third girl! Another was set ablaze for similar reason! Yet another was stripped naked because the son refused to give money to his mother, and it must be the wife's fault! Oh, another would call her son 5:30 AM almost daily for some 'crucial' meeting. Why, you may ask? Because she knows that is when the couple does some early morning stuff! Don't forget the mother who insists on cooking for her sons even after marriage. Really? Is she the mother or the wife? What is she trying to prove? The list is endless! What is going on women? Where is the love you said you have for your son? I believe that if you love someone, you wanna see that person happy. Right?
If a mother, wrecks her son's marriage/family, where then is the love? God bless my mother! Never heard that she quarreled with my brothers' wives! On one occasion when one of my brothers said an unkind word to his wife, and he had the nerve to do so in our mom's presence, Lord have mercy... he did not like what he got! We all joined our mother to give him some mouthfuls. Yes, we gave him enough for a lifetime! ( By the way, the case with the sisters-in-law is the subject of another write-up). My brother never tried the bull crap again! Am not saying my brother has a perfect marriage. No one does. But my mother did not compete with her sons' wives! That means it can be done! There can be peace between mothers and their sons' wives!
Okay, the mother gave birth to a son, nurtured him, went through thick and thin to see that he turned out well. Yes? I almost forgot, she carried him for nine long months...aha! Now what? Children should love and honor their parents. To me as a Christian, that is not to be compromised. But the love for a mother is different from that for a wife! And that is what some mothers fail to understand. That she does not approve of the girl is not a reason to torment her! She is her son's choice! She does not choose for her son. Or is she saying her son is foolish or not matured enough to know what he wants? Why wont she give peace a chance and enjoy the privilege extended to her?
Besides, some mothers tend to forget that they were once some one's daughter-in-law. And their daughters are married into other families too. Even if she has only sons, so what? Won't it be nice for mothers to treat their daughters-in-law the way they would want their daughters to be treated? Won't it be better if mothers should relax and allow the younger couple to live their lives while according them all due respect? Won't it be great that they accept their sons' wives as part of the family and stop seeing them as usurpers and rivals? Mothers should remember that their sons' wives are some one's daughters, and hopefully, will become mothers some day! It's all about letting go, cutting the apron strings, loving one's son enough to accept that he has become a man, a husband, and one day, a father! The daughters-in-law have a great role to play for peace to reign. But that will be discussed in Part 2..............
For years a battle has been raging between mothers-in-law versus daughters-in-law. This ongoing war does not seem to abate soon. So my question remains why? Why do many women find it difficult to co-exist with others? What is the battle for? One is the mother. The other is the wife. So what, in God's name, are they fighting for? Why would two people who profess to love the same man not live peacefully? Come to think of it, why is it that fathers-in-law do not wage wars with their sons' wives? Does it mean men are easier to please? Are they more understanding? Is it right to say that men are less competitive for their children's attention? Or that men are more matured? Is it now obvious that men feel more secured than women? Why must the battle be between the women? What is the matter with some of us? What are we fighting for? I need answers please!
Before any woman or mother feels offended, I am a woman and a mother too! I want us to join hands to end this war! A woman was strangled by her mother-in-law for giving birth to a third girl! Another was set ablaze for similar reason! Yet another was stripped naked because the son refused to give money to his mother, and it must be the wife's fault! Oh, another would call her son 5:30 AM almost daily for some 'crucial' meeting. Why, you may ask? Because she knows that is when the couple does some early morning stuff! Don't forget the mother who insists on cooking for her sons even after marriage. Really? Is she the mother or the wife? What is she trying to prove? The list is endless! What is going on women? Where is the love you said you have for your son? I believe that if you love someone, you wanna see that person happy. Right?
If a mother, wrecks her son's marriage/family, where then is the love? God bless my mother! Never heard that she quarreled with my brothers' wives! On one occasion when one of my brothers said an unkind word to his wife, and he had the nerve to do so in our mom's presence, Lord have mercy... he did not like what he got! We all joined our mother to give him some mouthfuls. Yes, we gave him enough for a lifetime! ( By the way, the case with the sisters-in-law is the subject of another write-up). My brother never tried the bull crap again! Am not saying my brother has a perfect marriage. No one does. But my mother did not compete with her sons' wives! That means it can be done! There can be peace between mothers and their sons' wives!
Okay, the mother gave birth to a son, nurtured him, went through thick and thin to see that he turned out well. Yes? I almost forgot, she carried him for nine long months...aha! Now what? Children should love and honor their parents. To me as a Christian, that is not to be compromised. But the love for a mother is different from that for a wife! And that is what some mothers fail to understand. That she does not approve of the girl is not a reason to torment her! She is her son's choice! She does not choose for her son. Or is she saying her son is foolish or not matured enough to know what he wants? Why wont she give peace a chance and enjoy the privilege extended to her?
Besides, some mothers tend to forget that they were once some one's daughter-in-law. And their daughters are married into other families too. Even if she has only sons, so what? Won't it be nice for mothers to treat their daughters-in-law the way they would want their daughters to be treated? Won't it be better if mothers should relax and allow the younger couple to live their lives while according them all due respect? Won't it be great that they accept their sons' wives as part of the family and stop seeing them as usurpers and rivals? Mothers should remember that their sons' wives are some one's daughters, and hopefully, will become mothers some day! It's all about letting go, cutting the apron strings, loving one's son enough to accept that he has become a man, a husband, and one day, a father! The daughters-in-law have a great role to play for peace to reign. But that will be discussed in Part 2..............
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