Nkiru Oh
Many a time, a male friend or acquaintance has asked me where he could find "a nice girl" to marry? I often dismissed such question with a wave of hand. I had presumed those men were being unreasonably picky. My recent encounter with Jason (not real name) made me re-evaluate my stand. Come to think of it, "where really have all the nice girls gone?" This question got me thinking and asking my own series of questions! And "where have all the good men gone?"
How many times have you heard a man talk about searching for Miss Right, or a woman talk about looking or waiting for Mr. Right or her Soul Mate? My question remains: how prepared is the man or woman to meet that right person? Yes, everyone has a 'list' of what he/she wants from a mate. How about what the mate may be looking for in you? The questions I asked Jason few weeks ago apply to all the single men and women out there who are looking for that right mate. How long is your list? How 'meetable' are your goals? Are there things on your list that are pushing likely 'catches' away? Are you looking for the impossible, or the 'impossicant' as I sometimes term it just for emphasis? Are you living in the present or past?
One look at Jason's list made me ask him whether he was looking for a slave or a wife? If you have a penchant for trying to change your mate, then you seriously need to re-evaluate your list! If a girl is fond of stopping her man from what he enjoys, then she has a long time to wait! So how long is your list girl? Men do not want a girl with a long list, or one full of 'don'ts' and 'never'! Girls do not want that either!
So where have all the nice girls gone? Where are all the good men? Are you mentally prepared to meet that right person? Are you working towards that or are you waiting for a chance encounter? I mean, if you want something, go for it. Hey girls, please, I did not say be desperate! Desperation scares the crap outta likely potentials! I said, go for it and that entails preparing yourself, being ready to be the Mr. Right/ Miss Right so that when you meet your mate, two of you will form a nice fit! I liken dating to being ready for a job. If one wants a position, it's better to prepare oneself for that position by acquiring the needed skills or training so that when the opportunity knocks, one readily answers! You want an independent woman, for example? Are you independent? You want a mate with 'potentials'? I have heard this uncountable number of times from both sexes! My question: what are your potentials? You want an educated, intelligent man? Are you educated and intelligent? Oh yes, the man wants a woman that is driven? Are you driven? What drives you?
How often do you review your list? Are you aware that the Mr. or Miss Right you seek has his or her own list? Are there things you are willing to compromise? Do you need to climb down from your high horse? Are you suffering from an over bloated ego? While I suggest you do not compromise your ideals, those things that make you who you are, I also advice that you do not over-rate yourself! Are you Mr. Right yourself? Or are you waiting for your Miss Right to come around to either "mother you" or "accept you as you are?" Really? How about you being the right person while looking for your right match? Or are you projecting your inadequacies onto the potential? Are you blaming whoever you meet for having a false sense of value cos of your below average standards? Mmmmm, not a good idea, you know! Prepare yourself. Do not concentrate on finding the right person. Work more on being the right person yourself so that when you meet your Miss or Mr. Right, none of you would wanna let go!
Permit me to inform you that my conversation with Jason opened his eyes! He later told me that he revisited his list and made some necessary adjustments. Thank you Jason for your honest appraisal of self? Before you start condemning every opposite sex, are you willing and ready to to do an honest self-appraisal? Do you know where you are lacking? Are you too righteous to err, the Mr. and Miss Perfects of the world? Are you ready to accept your shortcomings and readjust your list? Are you willing and ready to learn, unlearn, and relearn certain things? I'll be glad to hear from you!
Many a time, a male friend or acquaintance has asked me where he could find "a nice girl" to marry? I often dismissed such question with a wave of hand. I had presumed those men were being unreasonably picky. My recent encounter with Jason (not real name) made me re-evaluate my stand. Come to think of it, "where really have all the nice girls gone?" This question got me thinking and asking my own series of questions! And "where have all the good men gone?"
How many times have you heard a man talk about searching for Miss Right, or a woman talk about looking or waiting for Mr. Right or her Soul Mate? My question remains: how prepared is the man or woman to meet that right person? Yes, everyone has a 'list' of what he/she wants from a mate. How about what the mate may be looking for in you? The questions I asked Jason few weeks ago apply to all the single men and women out there who are looking for that right mate. How long is your list? How 'meetable' are your goals? Are there things on your list that are pushing likely 'catches' away? Are you looking for the impossible, or the 'impossicant' as I sometimes term it just for emphasis? Are you living in the present or past?
One look at Jason's list made me ask him whether he was looking for a slave or a wife? If you have a penchant for trying to change your mate, then you seriously need to re-evaluate your list! If a girl is fond of stopping her man from what he enjoys, then she has a long time to wait! So how long is your list girl? Men do not want a girl with a long list, or one full of 'don'ts' and 'never'! Girls do not want that either!
So where have all the nice girls gone? Where are all the good men? Are you mentally prepared to meet that right person? Are you working towards that or are you waiting for a chance encounter? I mean, if you want something, go for it. Hey girls, please, I did not say be desperate! Desperation scares the crap outta likely potentials! I said, go for it and that entails preparing yourself, being ready to be the Mr. Right/ Miss Right so that when you meet your mate, two of you will form a nice fit! I liken dating to being ready for a job. If one wants a position, it's better to prepare oneself for that position by acquiring the needed skills or training so that when the opportunity knocks, one readily answers! You want an independent woman, for example? Are you independent? You want a mate with 'potentials'? I have heard this uncountable number of times from both sexes! My question: what are your potentials? You want an educated, intelligent man? Are you educated and intelligent? Oh yes, the man wants a woman that is driven? Are you driven? What drives you?
How often do you review your list? Are you aware that the Mr. or Miss Right you seek has his or her own list? Are there things you are willing to compromise? Do you need to climb down from your high horse? Are you suffering from an over bloated ego? While I suggest you do not compromise your ideals, those things that make you who you are, I also advice that you do not over-rate yourself! Are you Mr. Right yourself? Or are you waiting for your Miss Right to come around to either "mother you" or "accept you as you are?" Really? How about you being the right person while looking for your right match? Or are you projecting your inadequacies onto the potential? Are you blaming whoever you meet for having a false sense of value cos of your below average standards? Mmmmm, not a good idea, you know! Prepare yourself. Do not concentrate on finding the right person. Work more on being the right person yourself so that when you meet your Miss or Mr. Right, none of you would wanna let go!
Permit me to inform you that my conversation with Jason opened his eyes! He later told me that he revisited his list and made some necessary adjustments. Thank you Jason for your honest appraisal of self? Before you start condemning every opposite sex, are you willing and ready to to do an honest self-appraisal? Do you know where you are lacking? Are you too righteous to err, the Mr. and Miss Perfects of the world? Are you ready to accept your shortcomings and readjust your list? Are you willing and ready to learn, unlearn, and relearn certain things? I'll be glad to hear from you!
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