Baby, please cheat on me...

Disclaimer: all the names in this article are fictitious and bear no semblance to anyone living or dead!

Ben and Mary have been married for six months. Ben confided in one of his friends that his wife had become too old and out of style! As a result, he started going after "fresh blood", as he termed it. He showered money and gifts on them because "they know how to make a man feel complete!" He ended up seducing and marrying Mary, one of his daughter's friends! Life was good! Sex was frequent and amazing! Ben was bragging about his new love life to whoever cared to listen!

One night of a marathon sex almost cost Ben his life. At the peak of passion, Ben was practising the figure-69-method he learned from a porn site when he started convulsing. What started as numbness of his bilateral legs has deteriorated into something serious. Three months ago when Ben experienced numbness during sex, he ignored it and continued. When he discussed it with his new primary doctor, he assured him that everything was okay. Dr Tsen barely knows Ben or his medical history. When the convulsion sent him to the Emergency Room, the ER doctor told Ben he was lucky to be alive. The doctor warned him to slow down or he would end up having a massive heart attack sooner than later! Ben's heart was rapidly failing! He was devastated! What would he tell his wife?

How could he relate such news to Mary? Denial set in. " But what has having multiple rounds of sex got to do with my heart issue? I look good for 63 years, don't I? And that Dr Tsen sef, what does he know about me?" But Ben did not convince himself. He was worried sick. "What will I do? How can I tell Mary that I can no longer continue with those marathon sessions of passion; or perform all those styles? What will I do?" He got angry. "This girl is only 32. But why me? O God, why, why will you do this to me? How can you allow this heart problem to be my portion? After all the tithes and offerings I give you, you still allowed this to happen to me? What kind of ...eh...em...er... God pls!!!!!!"

Finally, Ben got an awakening. "Yes, I got an idea! I know what to do!" He ordered 6 dozen of roses for his wife. Next night, Ben spread the roses on their huge king-size bed. He lit some candles and dimmed the lights. When Mary came in from visiting her sick mom, she was bedazzled by the scene. She felt so loved and gave her husband a passionate kiss. That kiss made Ben wanna change his mind, but no, he must accomplish his plan or die trying! He knelt on one knee in front of his wife. Mary's heart was racing at the speed of light: "what is he up to? Maybe another...hmmmm..." Ben was hyperventilating! With tears in his eyes, he held his wife's hands and started so lovingly:
"Baby, you know I love you with all my heart! You know I love you more than life itself; and I cannot live without you!
"Yees!"
"And you remember what we went through to be together; how I left my wife of 35 years to be with you..."
"Of course, I remember honey, why?"
"Well baby, if you love me the way I love you, if you want me to still be alive for you, baby, please, start cheating on me!"
Mary opened her mouth, tapped her ears to ensure she heard him right. "What? What has come over you, Benjamin?"
"Yes, baby, you must start cheating on me! I don't care with whom or how many!"
"Benjamin Dobaru!"
"Just don't bring them home! Use protection! But please baby, you must start with immediate effect...yes darling, please, cheat on me..."
Mary could not hear more. She slumped and fainted...

Give Thanks

Nkiru Oh


For all that I have; for all that I am and will be; for all you have done, are doing, and will do; I am grateful Oh God! Help me to always be appreciative and thankful. Help me to see your glory and beauty in creation. Help me to love and worship you more, and to love others as myself. Help me to put a smile on the faces of people, the hurting, the needy, the sick, the less-privileged, the lonely, and the down-trodden. Help me Oh God to always reach for the highest good, amen!



Photo culled from Diggy Simmon's Wall

"Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there's love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong."-Ella Fitzgerald

The Day I Wished to Die!

By Nkiru Oh

Life is full of vicissitudes! So long as we are in the world, no one is totally free from the ups and downs in life. My mother used to say that "it's only a dead man who has every right to boast!" Yes, because what else can he suffer in this life? He is free from pain and heartaches!
Many people have encountered situations that might have made them question everything in life including the existence of God! Do not blame those people please! The pain of the moment can drive any one crazy. He/she may be hurting so intensely that he/she may experience temporary insanity. Some who went that route, sadly, never recovered. It then behoves those around the person in a hurtful situation to help him/her retain some sanity! Words heal! Words also kill! Be careful what you tell some one who is hurting. Like my mother said, "if you don't know what to say, or you don't have any meaningful thing to say, please, do not say a word!" Your careless, insensitive utterance may be all the person needs to go over the edge!

So what was it that made me wish to die, you may be asking? Well, I am about to share that with you here and now. January 5, 1986 has remained indelible in my mind. I don't cry about it any more. But it's still vivid as if it happened yesterday. That was the day I lost a child, to me, one of the most painful losses for a mom! Being young and inexperienced did not help! But does it really matter? Got pregnant while in school. Pregnancy was uneventful. Was not sick even for a day. Kept all my doctor's/prenatal appointments. Did everything as I was told. Nine blessed months later...in a twinkle of an eye...I lost my baby during delivery!!! Baby was breach presentation!

Out of stupidity, carelessness or sheer foolhardiness, a nurse held the baby's umbilical cord together with it's leg which led to my precious baby's asphyxiation!!! Holding its cord while baby was in the birth canal was like sealing one's nose and mouth!!! By the time they realized it, my beautiful gift had died while in transit into the world!!! A Cesarean section was too late!!! I wept until there was no strength left in me!!! I wished to die! I prayed to die!! I willed to die!!! Would have died but my husband's words consoled me and made me hang on. With tears running down his face, he said: "I am sad we lost the baby. But...I still have you...and that is all that matters to me now...God will give us other children...Am happy you survived...and you are here with me!!!" And while saying those words, he held me real close to his heart...and that very moment, I resolved to live!!!

The Battle of the Sexes-Part One

 By Nkiru Oh

For years a battle has been raging between mothers-in-law versus daughters-in-law. This ongoing war does not seem to abate soon. So my question remains why? Why do many women find it difficult to co-exist with others? What is the battle for? One is the mother. The other is the wife. So what, in God's name, are they fighting for? Why would two people who profess to love the same man not live peacefully? Come to think of it, why is it that fathers-in-law do not wage wars with their sons' wives? Does it mean men are easier to please? Are they more understanding? Is it right to say that men are less competitive for their children's attention? Or that men are more matured? Is it now obvious that men feel more secured than women? Why must the battle be between the women? What is the matter with some of us? What are we fighting for? I need answers please!

Before any woman or mother feels offended, I am a woman and a mother too! I want us to join hands to end this war! A woman was strangled by her mother-in-law for giving birth to a third girl! Another was set ablaze for similar reason! Yet another was stripped naked because the son refused to give money to his mother, and it must be the wife's fault! Oh, another would call her son 5:30 AM almost daily for some 'crucial' meeting. Why, you may ask? Because she knows that is when the couple does some early morning stuff! Don't forget the mother who insists on cooking for her sons even after marriage. Really? Is she the mother or the wife? What is she trying to prove? The list is endless! What is going on women? Where is the love you said you have for your son? I believe that if you love someone, you wanna see that person happy. Right?

If a mother, wrecks her son's marriage/family, where then is the love? God bless my mother! Never heard that she quarreled with my brothers' wives! On one occasion when one of my brothers said an unkind word to his wife, and he had the nerve to do so in our mom's presence, Lord have mercy... he did not like what he got! We all joined our mother to give him some mouthfuls. Yes, we gave him enough for a lifetime! ( By the way, the case with the sisters-in-law is the subject of another write-up). My brother never tried the bull crap again! Am not saying my brother has a perfect marriage. No one does. But my mother did not compete with her sons' wives! That means it can be done! There can be peace between mothers and their sons' wives!
Okay, the mother gave birth to a son, nurtured him, went through thick and thin to see that he turned out well. Yes? I almost forgot, she carried him for nine long months...aha! Now what? Children should love and honor their parents. To me as a Christian, that is not to be compromised. But the love for a mother is different from that for a wife! And that is what some mothers fail to understand. That she does not approve of the girl is not a reason to torment her! She is her son's choice! She does not choose for her son. Or is she saying her son is foolish or not matured enough to know what he wants? Why wont she give peace a chance and enjoy the privilege extended to her?

Besides, some mothers tend to forget that they were once some one's daughter-in-law. And their daughters are married into other families too. Even if she has only sons, so what? Won't it be nice for mothers to treat their daughters-in-law the way they would want their daughters to be treated? Won't it be better if mothers should relax and allow the younger couple to live their lives while according them all due respect? Won't it be great that they accept their sons' wives as part of the family and stop seeing them as usurpers and rivals? Mothers should remember that their sons' wives are some one's daughters, and hopefully, will become mothers some day! It's all about letting go, cutting the apron strings, loving one's son enough to accept that he has become a man, a husband, and one day, a father! The daughters-in-law have a great role to play for peace to reign. But that will be discussed in Part 2..............

Money, Love and Relationship: My Perspective

Nkiru Oh

So what's this fuss about women being too materialistic because they want to date or marry only men with substance? The way some men, and sometimes women too, talk about this issue, am like is it now a taboo for a man to be rich? Yea, before you tell me that "money is the root of all evil," I beg you to please not misquote the Holy Book. I don't appreciate it when this amazing book is misrepresented. It says that, "the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. See the difference? So it is not money that is bad. It is when one loves money and worships it like a demi-god. And that is awful!

Am thinking, what's wrong with a man having money? Or, what's wrong with a man having it all? What's wrong with a man being able to provide for his guurl? Hey, feminists, and feminists-in-the-making, please don't even go there! Am not saying a woman should be a lazy bone or a leech! But as far as am concerned, being an independent, career woman should not stop a woman from allowing herself to be spoilt by her man! Or shall it? What's wrong with having both worlds anyway? Just my thoughts though!

Of course I know, a woman should be able to contribute in her own womanly ways....Any real woman would wanna be a pillar of support to her man. There is joy in that too. But is there anything inherently wrong in a woman choosing a man with substance? Why can a man be selective about the type of guurl he wants but some people cry blue murder when a woman does that? Why is it okay for a man to give statistics of who he wants to be with but a woman cannot do that? Yea, some men want them tall, short, skinny as a tube, curvy, fat, extra fat, exta-extra fat, fair, black, white, green, yellow, bald-headed, long-haired, short-haired, no foreign-haired, employed, professional, and so on. But a woman may be accused of having a false sense of value if she does that. Why?

Is there any man out there who sets out to date a Loser? You know, there are Losers and there  are Certified Losers, (CLs)! Never mind, I will explain: a Loser does not want to excel and does not envy any who excelled. He/ she is just resigned to his/her lot. Fine. A Certified Loser, on the other hand, does not want to excel, does not want anyone to excel, hates whoever excels, and blames everybody else, except himself/herself of course, for his/her woes! Terrible, you just screamed?  So who wants any of these for keeps? Not me, any way!

Should all men swear off wealth and embrace penury to cure guurls of  being 'too materialistic'? Oh yes, I know some will tell me that every relationship should be based on love. Love, yes. But how about if the man has love and money as well? How about if he spices up those two with character? Will a guurl say 'No' to such a man simply because he is 'loaded'? Does it now mean that men with a combination of money, love and character are extinct? I don't think so people! Those three characteristics are not mutually exclusive after all! Do I know men who possess all three characteristics? You bet I sure do!

I did a little research...not official mind you. I found out that people who emphasize this materialism stuff are not rich themselves. Is this then a kind of compensation? So my advice is this, free your minds people! Live your life and let others live theirs. And make your choices wisely too! What is your take on this?

Give Love a Chance!

                                  By Nkiru Oh

Some embrace love.

Some shy away from it.

Some are favored by love.

Some scarred by it.

Some commit to love.

Some trivialize it.

Some nurture love.

Some stifle it.

Love illuminates your life.

Love unites and is stronger than strife.

Love makes you often wanna dance!

I wish you love, please give love a chance.