Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Runaway Husband

Nkiru Oh

Disclaimer: all the names in this write-up are fictitious and bear no semblance to anyone dead or alive.

Runaway husband? Can't recollect the last time I read that in the dailies. Yea, I know about runaway brides or wives. I know separation and or divorce are on the increase. But a runaway husband, as in literally running away? Nah...that ain't common at all!

My co-worker, Juma, told me one of the juiciest stories ever! Banfa and Ramota were High school sweethearts. After graduating college, they wedded in a private ceremony in one of the Caribbean islands. That was thirty-five years ago. Their marriage was blessed with four children, two boys and two girls. According to Juma, apart from Banfa's occasional complaints of his wife's increasing rigidity and declining bedmatics, Ramota was not aware of the her husband's ruse until she saw the divorce papers. The rest is now history.

Six months after his divorce, 65 year-old Banfa married the sexy bombshell, Jayatu. After wedding in an elaborate ceremony in Las Vegas, the lovebirds settled in one of the upscale cities of California. Within two months of living together as man and wife, rumors started circulating that Jayatu was cheating. Juma attested to seeing her in a compromising position with two different men who were not related to her or her husband. First time was on their wedding night, second was six weeks after the wedding. You ask why she did not tell her uncle? Well she said didn't want to risk being 'disowned' as was the case with whoever did not support the union!


This year marks their second wedding anniversary and Banfa has already made history! Are you still there? Brace yourself for the juiciest part please! Three weeks ago, Juma got an unexpected visitor in her two-bedroom apartment here in New Jersey! Banfa has run away from both his wife and their eight-bedroom-four full-bath mansion in California! Why? He is afraid for his dear life! Juma is now making sense of the numerous male-enhancing drugs she saw on the nightstand each time she visited her uncle and his new wife. He has taken so many of those drugs that he is afraid of dying of stroke or heart-attack! To make matters worse, even with enhancers, Banfa still could not keep up with the sexual demands of his 24 year-old heartthrob! To cut the long story short, he has filed for divorce! He detests his wife so much that he would not address her by name. He refers to her as "the murderess", and swore that she planned to literally "kill him with sex" so as to take all his money! Or how could anyone explain to him Jayatu's huge apetite for sex? She would not even allow him time to recuperate, which takes some days, before asking fore more. After he foamed in the mouth and fainted during the last sex marathon, he added two and two and ran away! Yes, Banfa ran away and swore to never go back to "the lion's den", as he now calls the beautiful home he once shared with Jayatu!




"If there was strife and contention in the home, very little else in life could compensate for it."--Lawana Blackwell

Sunday, April 1, 2012

AIRBORNE

Disclaimer: all the names in this write-up are fictitious and bear no semblance to anyone living or dead.

My very good friend, Jasmine, shared this story with me. It happened to someone we knew from years back. I promised to share every juicy story I came across with you. This is one heck of a juicy story. Oh, did I have a good laugh! It wouldn't have been funny at the initial time, but hey, time heals most wounds. The person involved now laughs about it so why won't I? Call up your imaginative self and come with me: Vivienne and Doug have been having an affair for about two years. As at the time of this story, Vivienne was a fourth year student in one of the colleges out of state while Doug lived in New Jersey with his wife of seventeen years and their three kids.

One weekend in August of 2011, Vivienne was coming to spend a four-day weekend with her man. Her busy schedule made it impossible to visit often. Doug promised her a special surprise and a memorable weekend. He took the Thursday and Friday off to have ample time for his girl, rented a suite in a hotel out of town, ready to have a blast!

As soon as she boarded the plane, as agreed, Vivienne called and informed Doug. The journey normally takes one and a half hours. "Yes...today is the day," Doug muttered. "Today she will experience the new Douglas Jimka...aah...Vivienne will know that I am the man!" He was whistling and dancing to Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing" as he took the maximum dose of a new Aphrodisiac he bought off the world wide web. Its onset is about one hour and the effects last for 36 hours! According to the manufacturers, the man should commence action as soon as the effects of the drug start! Thirty minutes after taking the drug, a heavy storm was announced. Yes, Doug and Vivienne knew about the oncoming storm but convinced themselves that Vivienne would have arrived in New Jersey before it would start!

"Hell No...it cannot be! Who-t da f...damn! Rerouting the plane? What do these fools mean by diverting the plane? For what?" Three hours later, Vivienne was still airborne! Doug was airborne too, having gone from being very uncomfortable to having excruciating pain and a fever. His erected manhood was near breaking point! He found it impossible to stand, sit or lie down! The slightest movement hurt as if someone was tugging on his genital to severe it from his body!  Even the touch of his briefs or bed linen caused intense pain! That was when he called Jasmine wailing! Masturbation was out of the question...the severity of the pain ruled out such act! Go to the Emergency room? But what would he tell the doctor...and then his wife...yes, his wife who knew he went to a conference in San Francisco? No...the hospital was not an option! He wrapped his rigid sex organ in ice-cold wash cloth and got some relief. By the time Vivienne arrived four hours later, Doug was too exhausted to perform. He would not even let Vivienne come too close, afraid that she might exacerbate the pain! And he could not go home either. For three days, the two sulking lovers stayed in their love nest but lover-boy, Douglas, could not get an arousal!


"One cannot manage too many affairs: like pumpkins in the water, one pops up while you try to hold down the other."-Chinese proverb