Showing posts with label opinion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label opinion. Show all posts

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Ghost Stories

Nkiru Oh

Disclaimer: all the names in this write-up bear no semblance to any one living or dead.

Some things have been baffling me. Don't get me wrong. I am a Christian. I believe in the Trinity. I also believe in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior! But there are things yet indescribable and incomprehensible to me! Wish any one would explain. The existence of Ghosts and man's ability to see them with his mortal eyes are some examples.

A conversation I had with a co-worker few nights ago opened the floodgate of these all-time stories. Luther told me about an incident in his village several years ago: Tinkom and Gbenga were friends. In their late twenties, from same town but different villages, resided in different cities. One day, Tinkom got sick, died and was buried. Eight days after his death, three days after his burial, Gbenga went home and, as usual, visited Tinkom's parents in their village. He told them Tinkom visited him eight days ago and had been in his house ever since. Tinkom's parents knew Gbenga was too responsible to play with their loss and pain. The father called his brother, Tinkom's uncle, to bear witness. Gbenga repeated his story. There was an outburst of fresh wailing which confused and scared Gbenga. Shortly after, they took him to Tinkom's grave. Tinkom had died eight days ago, the same day he visited his friend, Gbenga! Gbenga was speechless. When he got back to the city, Tinkom was gone and never came back!

That reminded me of what happened back then in our school. One beautiful afternoon, there was pandemonium on campus. Nimbi, our female security guiard was hysterical and inconsolable. We were told her younger brother's ghost visited her. Bintu, one of our classmates, swore to have seen the boy-ghost: A young man came to Nimbi crying. When Nimbi wanted to hug him, he pulled away with the excuse that he had a fever. Said he's been sick and hasn't eaten for the past three days. Bintu warned Nimbi against allowing 'these player-undergrads' to cheat her out of her hard-earned cash. When she learned that the visitor was Nimbi's younger brother from out of state, Bintu collected money from Nimbi, went and bought him rice and beef-stew. All the while he ate, the young man was in tears. Nimbi also crying, could not leave her job but asked him to go to their elder brother in town who was a doctor. He agreed but asked Nimbi to ensure she came to the village that weekend. As he stepped out to board a taxi, Nimbi called their brother at work to inform him of  Koside's status. The phone fell out of Dr. Abel's hands three times before Nimbi finished her story. Koside had died three days earlier and his corpse was in the morgue! The family knew but had not yet informed Nimbi! The Saturday Koside asked his sister to be home was the day fixed for his burial!

So while our eyes were almost popping out of their sockets, Bintu told us why she wasn't petrified. She experienced a similar incident some years back: One evening, their grandma visited from the village and slept over. Bintu's mother was in the hospital, in labor with her seventh child. Early the next morning, Bintu's father got ready to go to his safe at his store to withdraw some cash. At the door, he met four of his kinsmen from the village. He was surprised they already heard about his wife's safe delivery and came to rejoice with him. The sad look on their faces stopped him in mid sentence. He then insisted they should tell him their mission. His mother had fallen inside a well and died the previous evening! He laughed sarcastically and warned them of their foolishness in playing with fire. Bintu's father took his kinsmen inside to prove to them how insane they and their story were! They searched the entire house but their visitor was gone and never came back! Scary, these stories, right? Do you have any story to share?


"We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey."
---Stephen R. Covey

Friday, March 9, 2012

Day One...

Nkiru Oh

I received my Nutrisystem order today. Got it at 12:23pm. One look at the meal packages and I really felt like throwing a tantrum! Jeez! Had I been younger, I would have just found any excuse, no matter how frivolous, to start crying, or weeping rather. I would have accused my older brother of stepping on my toes, or elbowing me as he walked past me, or giving me an evil look, and used that to cry bucketfuls! Oh how I wish I were a kid now! Would have gotten away with a whole lot today! But I am a full grown, matured woman so I am not allowed to do throw tantrums...mmmmmh...!

But seriously, I need me some wailing! Yes, it's like the loss of innocence. The portion size I mean! The discipline involved. What are they thinking? What really are they thinking? Yea, what are those Nutrisystem people thinking when they packaged those meals that look like they are meant for week-old babies? You know what, everybody should steer clear of me throughout this first week just in case I decide to throw some well-deserved, adult-tantrum any way! Yea! I mean, why not if that would make me feel good?

But I am determined to succeed! Can't afford to fail. Just cannot! So I weighed myself...recorded the weight in my journal...ate my special lunch, one of the littlest meal portion I've ever seen, to me though! One thing I must tell u is that the food tastes great. Yea, I like it! To avoid misbehaving, I got busy writing and blogging away. The experts say that it takes our brains twenty minutes to feel full. So while I was busy, twenty minutes lapsed. I forgot to think about the tiny portions anymore. And so, I saved me from having a 'weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth' episode this first day, and that's nice. But my journey just began...

"Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home."
--Matsuo Basho

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Battle of the Sexes: the Role of the Wife

By Nkiru Oh

The war between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law still rages. What are some of the issues at stake? What can be done to stop this war? Part one of this write-up treated some issues with the mothers-in-law. This part tries to analyze the roles of daughters-in-law to create, maintain, and, or restore peace in their families.

Sometime ago, a young girl told me that her prayer was to never marry a man whose mother was still alive! Shocked as I was, I quickly comported myself so I would not scare her further. When I asked her reasons, she gave me more than an earful which space would not allow me to repeat here. Her main fear was that all mothers-in-law are evil and therefore do not deserve to live! According to her, they hate their sons' wives and are always bent on breaking their marriages!  Do not crucify her please! When a young person makes an assertion such as this, it is one's responsibility as a matured adult to try and find out the root, and help assuage her fears, otherwise one makes things worse!

The questions I asked my young friend apply to every woman out there who share similar beliefs: Do you have a mother? Do you have brothers? Would you want your mother to die before your brothers get married? Do you intend to get married and, or become a mother some day? Assuming you have sons, would you want to die before they get married so you won't be a mother-in-law? When she answered, "God forbid" to my last question, I could see the fear in her eyes of the possibility of my question! I continued, if you have daughters, would you want to see them maltreated by their mothers-in-law or any one else? My friend confirmed she never thought that deep in her entire life!

What then is the fight about? Is the wife too possessive or a control freak? Does she see her husband as her extension? Couples are not extensions of each other please! Some men, in their love-crazed 'trance', tell their fiancees who initially objected to the relationship, what each person said and to whom. (The role of men in this war is another topic, please, bear with me). Has the wife forgiven those people? Is she ready to move on or has she come into the marriage battle-drawn ready? Due to this 'halo effect' on the part of the wife, the mother-in-law now becomes her number one enemy. And that is very wrong! Did any of her relatives advice her to "shine her eyes"? Doesn't it feel great to do the right thing and forget about the nay-sayers?

Again, does the wife see her husband's relatives as parasites? Is the husband the sole provider? Does she know he still has some role to play in his family? Would she want her brothers to neglect her mother and siblings because they got married? If no, why then would she advise her man to hands off his family after marriage? Does she see her mother-in-law as a rival? Does she know she is the wife and not his mother? Does she play her role as his wife and allow his mother to play hers? Am not saying women should not look out for their husbands. They should, after all, they have been joined to become one. But while protecting him and his interests, the wife must remember the man had a family before they became one! I know the man, his wife and their kids form the nuclear family. But we still need our extended families to cherish and to hold! Or are we gonna dispose of everybody simply because Bros got married? What joy to know one can count on those relatives!
Yes, there are mothers who belong to the group of the "Insatiables" and the "Mean-spirited"! Hey, one should adopt the golden rule: "do unto others as you would wish them do unto you", and reap the rewards that come with it! Mutual respect needs to be imbibed! And the men have a great role to play too...

Sunday, February 12, 2012

THE BEAUTIFUL YOU!

By Nkiru Oh
Some things baffle me and I want to share them with you. Hopefully, you may explain them better to me. I have observed that many blacks are turning white. I mean blacks from African nations such as Nigeria, Ghana, Liberia, and Sierra Leone. So what's this rave about skin bleaching all about? Do those people know the implications of bleaching their skin? Who says one must be fair or bleach one's skin to be beautiful? What are those people really thinking? Somebody explain please!

See, I was taught that our skin is our largest organ whose major function is to protect us from "microbes and the elements." It also helps to "regulate body temperature, and permits the sensations of touch, heat, and cold." Imagine being rigid! Mmmmm...! How about serving as "a waterproof covering that prevents excessive loss or gain of bodily moisture." No wonder they look so dry! So why should people destroy the epidermis, the first layer that creates skin tone, thus exposing the dermis, second layer with its connective tissue, hair follicles and sweat glands, to danger? Does anyone think of the harmful chemicals used in those bleaching products or their adverse effects?

It's not my business, right? It becomes my business when some one stands or sits next to you smelling like rotten fish! Am not being harsh. It's the truth! It becomes my business when someone, trust me they like to come close to your face and put their arms around your neck, comes within earshot and you become nauseated and sick to your stomach due to the stench of dead skin that is sloughing! What torment! Yes, it becomes my business when someone holds her hand out for a handshake and you quickly withdraw yours because her hand looks soooo dry and lifeless with black and white blotches on the knuckles! Gosh, those blotches, eeewwww! And when they get sick, my tax money goes into their care!

Will never forget one of my class mates in College. She bleached herself so much that she could not go in the sun without covering her entire body except the face. Even her bra straps caused her damage. As she put it "sunburn renders a bleached skin permanently black." Why go through the hassle then? Her skin looked so bad, not to her though, that one day a Prof. in our Health class used her to explain the disease, Vitiligo! Damn! The Prof. had no clue that 'beauty is just skin deep!'

What is more shocking is that men now bleach too! I have seen many men with "Fanta-Face-Coke- Legs", and "Guinness Stout-Knuckles" like those women too! How about the bleached necks that now look like turkey and or vulture necks as the necks of those women too! Can someone please tell them to stop trying to shake my hands! Their knuckles scare the crap outta me! And they shouldn't come too close either. I need to breathe too!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Woman to Woman

By Nkiru Oh

Are you kidding me? Trust me, I must say how I feel! I have borne it for too long! My first question is, why do women project a lot onto their friends and fellow women? Secondly, why are women their worst enemies? Before you carry placards and start demonstrating, please, hear me out! I am a woman and I enjoy being one! What baffles me is the way some women hate and attack fellow women far worse than men do! Did I do any research to come up with this notion? Never said I did. That's why it's my opinion!

Did you just ask whether I speak from experience? You bet! I have seen many instances if that should count as part of my experience. Just yesterday, a twenty-three year old girl was conversing with her twenty-eight year old girlfriend. Are you still with me? Do you notice the five-year age gap? Okay, let's continue. Check out this conversation and see if I still need a research to arrive at my conclusion:
"So when are you getting married?" Corredia, (not rel name) the older girl, suddenly asked.
"What?"
"You heard me. I asked, when are you getting married?"
"Eeehm...what exactly are you talking about?"
"Am talking about you getting married!" This time she emphasized every word. "Or don't you know your mates are all married, some already with children?"
Now, let' rewind a bit. Corredia is five solid years older than her friend! And Corredia is unemployed and SSS, single and still searching. Okay, back to the story:
"Tell me you are kidding, Miss Corredia!"
"Do I look like a jokester to you?"
Need I tell you that by the time her younger, employed, friend who also has a steady boyfriend,  finished with her, the friendship, I am sure, fizzled!

You said one instance is not enough? Okay, how about a fifty-something year old woman addressing a thirty-something year old as "auntie", "yes ma'am", "sorry ma", "good morning ma!" "thank you auntie", and so on. What do you call this? Respect, you said? What kind of respect is that? Explain to me please!
Can't forget the drama at the work places! Some women know who did what to get which promotion; who slept with whom, when, where, how often, and even what each told the other during the act! Jeeez! Trust me, those women who know everything about others have no clue about themselves! Quite unfortunate you know!

Another one that is kinda absurd too is seeing a woman, with about triple layers of foundation to cover the many wrinkles and fine lines on her face, publicly volunteering her age to be in the early forties! Mind you, I ain't getting any younger. Neither are you. And I use foundation too. Common now, I've got to enhance my beauty. Do you notice that I used the word, 'volunteering'? Yes, because, those women do not wait to be asked before they tell you, and often, without minding whether your conversation is related to age and aging or not! Am like, stop already! Zip it please! I am not  interested in anyone's age. I will not discuss mine either. But don't you think it's better for people to say one looks younger than one's age than 'mtcheew, give me a break puuhleez!' I mean, I will prefer the former comment any day! Not that I am bothered by the way I look any way! Not yet. May be years later!

You know what ladies? Just be you. Live your life the best way you can. And learn to smile if you do not do so already. And stop carrying the weight of the whole world on your head. That will break your neck! Stop fussing about getting old and other people' ages or lives! Oh yes, quit poking your nose into other people's business! The more you do that, the worse off you become. It's like all the ages you project to your friends and others come back to you exponentially! Yea, it's okay to laugh! Won't charge you for it!

You still want more examples? Too many to contain in this short piece. A colleague saw me one morning and went like, "hey Nkiru, I think u should lose some weight!" Holly Molly! No, she wasn't done with me yet! "You are getting too fat and you better do something!" Are you kidding me? Did I tell you it was about 7 o'clock in the morning? Or that Miss Adviser did not even say 'hi' or 'good morning' prior to the verbal abuse? I said a short silent prayer: "Lord, please hold my mouth, amen!" When I looked at her abdomen hanging too closely to her knees,...Jesus Christo...no...no...no Nkiru PLEASE DO NOT! Then I heaved a loud sigh and said out loud, "thank you Lord for holding my mouth!" I would have verbally killed her if I had told her how petrified I was due to the size of her abdomen!

For more examples, check out the social networks. Read women's comments about fellow women. Read men's comments too. After that you tell me who uses kinder words to describe women. Rather than be happy for others, some women loathe them with a passion. Too bad! Oh, and some have every ugly explanation about why this or that woman is a success! If an actress succeeds, "oh no, she slept with so and so to get the roles." Oh yea? If another woman does well in business, "no way, she uses black magic." Woow! So, is this having a "Certified Loser's mentality" or what?  Those haters know what everyone else does to make money yet they are unemployed, loafing off relatives, friends and strangers alike, or still live hand-to-mouth or paycheck to paycheck?  My advice: do yourself, your family and the society a favor: get off your behind and make good use of your God-given brains and time! Projecting your flaws and fears onto others ain't gonna solve anything! It's not like I am anti-women. Never! Just don't like slothfulness and envy!



Sunday, February 5, 2012

Depression: the Destroyer of Lives and Relationships

Depression is one of the most debilitating but least acknowledged diseases afflicting mankind. For years, scientists have been searching for origins, causes, and answers for the disease. It wrecks lives and relationships. At times, it operates subtly that the sufferer may not describe exactly what is wrong. It can also be wild and manifest in aggressive ways. In any manner it presents, depression afflicts without mercy. And it does not get the attention it deserves medically.

To the layman, depression is feeling sad. Often you hear people ascribe being depressed with any situation that does not go the way they wanted. For examples, "This rain this morning makes me depressed." "I was in traffic for 30 minutes and I was damned depressed!" "It snowed last night and I am now depressed." Really? That's all? Depression is more than feeling sad,  down or disappointed...

According to MediLexicon's Medical Dictionary, depression is "a mental state or chronic mental disorder characterized by feelings of sadness, loneliness, despair, low self-esteem, and self-reproach; accompanying signs include psychomotor retardation (or less frequently agitation), withdrawal from social contact, and vegetative states such as loss of appetite and insomnia."  Yes, depression does all those plus more.

Unfortunately, this debilitating disease is often ignored or treated with kid's gloves. Sometimes the sufferers, either due to ignorance, lack of access to healthcare, or fear of stigmatization in some cultures, do not seek help until it becomes a little too late. On the other hand, the sufferer may not get the aggressive treatment he/she needs. 

Bear in mind that I am neither a scientist nor an expert but I know what depression is. I know what it can doI also have seen how dastardly it can be. I wish therefore to address depression the best way I deem fit. To do that effectively, please permit me to personify this malicious sickness. Here we go:

Depression!
Unexpressed anger! 
Suppressed emotions!
You thrive in darkness!
Sadness is your middle name!
Downward spiral!
Dejection!
Self-rejection!
Misery becomes you!
Depression!
Your nicknames are Gloominess!
Helplessness and Hopelessness!
Self-denigration is your last name!
You cause deprivation!
You crave hollowness!
You wallow in loneliness!
Depression!
Uncontrolled descent!
Despondency! Disillusionment!
You are oft called Despair!
Depression, you are a nuisance!
You destroy relationships!
You hold your victims captive!
You make them shadows of themselves!
You send them into penury!
You cause untold pain and anguish!
You hold in a grip and you squeeze so tight!
Depression, you entangle and never let go!
You enslave! You restrain! You possess!
You suppress! You repress! You oppress!
You have people on a choke-hold!
Depression, you smother! You destroy lives!
Depression, you are callous!
How stifling! How suffocating?
How painful, nasty and uncaring?
How cruel? How hurtful can you be?
Why do you flourish in malice?
Why are you so sneaky?
Why must you be a control freak?
Depression, I must expose you for what you are!
Depression, you are really devilish!

Friday, February 3, 2012

"The Good Nigerians" By Nkiru Oh

The biblical story of the 'Good Samaritan' has always been enthralling. The single act of kindness shown by that man from Samaria thousands of years ago has been a source of inspiration to many.

For those not familiar with the story, it was one of Jesus' parables.  A traveler was mugged, beaten up mercilessly and left bleeding by the roadside. Many people passed by: the righteous, the religious, the wealthy....and no one cared. Then came  the Samaritan who showed compassion, took the bleeding man to the inn to be cleaned, treated and nourished.

What makes the story so unique and didactic is the nature of the man who stopped to help. He was a Samaritan! Simply put, he was a commoner, a nobody, according to the norms of his day! He was looked down upon; was probably poor and or wretched too. But he stopped, and showed compassion! How lovely!

Our nation is in shambles. The politicians have beaten the country so mercilessly and left it bleeding profusely. Alas, the nation would die if the bleeding is not stopped! The politicians, despots and some religious bigots have mugged the country for years! From planting the seeds of fear and distrust in the masses, instigating disturbances and violence, to sponsoring the militants, the list of Nigeria's wounds is endless! And while the wars rage, and the masses fight for crumbs thrown at them, those instigators are busy stashing their loots in foreign and local banks! They have shown the nation no compassion!

Again Nigerian politicians have choked the nation; thrashed her; smothered her; would not let her heal before inflicting more wounds on her. To ensure she continues hurting, the politicians continually add salt to her wounds! Nigeria has been milked to the bones and abandoned to die! And they have not shown her any mercy!

But wait, the tide is turning! The 'good Samaritans' of Nigeria have stopped by to help her. Ordinary men and women from every tribe and religion, and all the nooks and crannies of the land, have arisen with one voice to work to salvage the country. The voice of the people is said to be the voice of God! So with one accord, the great Nigerians, men and women who have compassion, are saying enough to the beatings; enough to endemic corruption; enough to religious and all senseless killings; enough to violence[ enough to bad governance; enough to lack of accountability and lawlessness; enough to deprivation and starvation, enough ...enough...oh...enough!

Because the wounds are deep to the bones, they will take time to heal. Patience is therefore needed. Since the country is already anemic and lethargic, tender loving care is also recommended. The good Nigerians, the good Samaritans of our day, who have compassion, have risen and are clamoring for change! They are ready to reclaim what is theirs, painstakingly pick up the shattered pieces, and give the country the nourishment she needs to help her to learn to sit, stand and walk again.

Yes, the great Nigerians, the patriots, ordinary men and women, taxi-drivers, the unemployed, teachers, laborers, messengers, clerks, students, civil servants, and all peace-lovers are joining hands to take care of Nigeria and stop her from bleeding to death! How awesome!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

"Vada a Bordo/ Go on Board!"-

A Call to Nigeria's President Goodluck Jonathan by Nkiru Oh


On the 13th of January, 2012, the cruise ship, Costa Concordia, with 4200 passengers and crew, hit a rock and capsized off the cost of Giglio, Italy. The conversation that ensued between the Coast Guard Captain Gregorio De Falco and the ship's Captain Francesco Shettino was one of the most interesting pieces ever! I want to share what I found very interesting and commendable, and use the incident as a premise to appeal to the Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan to get back on board.

Captain Shettino was said to have abandoned his responsibility by leaving the ship while passengers were still on board. Obviously, because of an unwritten code which exists that the captain of a ship is the last to leave, Captain Shettino's action was decried all over the world. Captains who exhibited such bravery as staying until the last passenger was rescued, or the risk became too dangerous, were hailed as heroes. Some of those heroes even perished with their vessels. Those who abandoned ship in a time of emergency were few and were forever castigated.

Delay, they say, is costly. One hour after the ship had run aground, Captain Shettino was still heard giving excuses. Several orders by the coastal guard, Captain De Falco, were ignored. Shettino's excuses hinged on the realms of absurdity: "...it is dark and we can't see anything; I am with my second in command; ...the other boat here...it has stopped; I am here with the rescue boats...I am here to co-ordinate the rescue..."

The shirking of responsibility by the ship's captain is striking. How can the captain of a ship co-ordinate rescue operations from outside of the ship? As the commander, isn't the captain the best person to give situational report and from inside the ship? Long ago, Nigeria hit the rock and capsized. Poor governance and corruption have held the nation captive all these tears. For years, Nigeria has been aground ready to sink! The activities of the boko haram militants coupled with the endemically corrupt leadership are fastly submerging the country's ship of state, and the captain has been giving all kinds of excuses!
The boko haram menace has cost many lives and maimed many more. From the bombing of the UN headquarters in Abuja that killed at least 23 people, to the Christmas day bomb blast where about 37 died, to the Kano bombings with over 150 deaths, and today's killing of more than 12 civilians in Maiduguri, the boko haram seems to be winning.

Acording to President Jonathan, the members of this sect have infiltrated every aspect of government including the police, army and security, and they "operate without a face". Are these excuses or what? Really? Whoever though they would operate "with a face"? Is acknowledging that they operate without a face a sound of despair and hopelessness? Does it mean that the president has sounded, or is ready to sound the "abandon ship"? Is he willing and ready to take the next life boat and co-ordinate the rescue of Nigerians from the outside of the ship, like Captain Shettino?

Nigeria is undergoing  a very dark period in her history. So what? Boko haram has infiltrated the government. And so what, President Jonathan? Who is the real commander of the Federal Republic of Nigeria: is it still President Goodluck Jonathan or the militants? Nigerians are looking up to their Commander-in-chief to be in control. The world is watching too! He needs to get back on board! Posterity will thank him for that. Or as Captain De Falco asked Captain Shettino, does the president "want to go home...? It is dark and [he wants] to go home?" As a good leader, it's advisable that President Jonathan should "get on that prow of the boat using the pilot ladder and [take charge and instruct his staff on what needs to be done]...Now!"


Nkiru Oh