The Power of the Spoken Word!

Nkiru Oh

One night during the Winter of 2010, I encountered what was to become one of the sweetest, most satisfying workdays in my career as a health care professional. I was with some co-workers when Viveen (not real name) wobbled in and sank in the remaining empty chair at the corner. Before I could ask any question, she said resignedly, "V (my middle initial)...I am now a diabetic! I was diagnosed three days ago! My doctor checked me and my blood sugar was more than 500...yes, I am now a diabetic V!" Before I could say a word, she continued, tears running down her face, "he even gave me insulin shot...yea...said he had to...my sugar was too high." Again she repeated like a chorus to a music stanza, "I am now a diabetic...V....I am a diabetic!" When I looked at her face, I saw not only fear but hopelessness. I saw helplessness. I saw dejection and despair. I saw  resignation and emptiness. I saw a woman who believed she had received a death sentence and was waiting for the executioner in the gallows! I did not bargain for what was unfolding in front of me. The sight of the once energy-filled, vivacious Viveen, sitting on that chair like a piece of rag, stretched me beyond my training and experience! I quickly said a silent prayer, "Lord, pls tell me what to say!"

 While we were at it, as she sat there breathing heavily and sweating profusely despite the cold night, two of her friends cum colleagues came to give her what I chose to call the 'last sacrament'. One brought her two packs of unsalted crackers, the other a bottle of water, both gifts she absent-mindedly accepted and mumbled her thanks. The one that brought the crackers instructed her like a matron, "you know this is what you should be eating from now on. Now eat before your sugar gets messed up!" And both left. My heart sank into the pit of my stomach! Here were two people with no clue about diabetes, already 'teaching' and messing her up for real! Lord have mercy!

Viveen was about to open the crackers when I spoke. I honestly do not remember my exact words but based on what Viveen told me again yesterday, and probably for the hundredth time, the words literally brought her back to life! I remember bringing my chair closer, sitting about 2 feet from her, putting both hands on her shoulders, with her permission, and engaging her eyes as I spoke. I remember telling her that diabetes does not define her or any who has it; that it is a disease which if managed properly especially at the early stage, minimizes one's chances of developing complications years later! I remember asking her to discard those 'special gifts' together with the mindset with which she accepted them, to face diabetes and fight it as if there was no tomorrow! I asked her to discuss with her doctor so she would start walking immediately to lose some weight; and to work with her health care team to put the disease in check! Yes, exercise helps the body to utilize nutrients, and working with the doctor and the team is very crucial! I remember seeing Viveen sitting up, lightening up and wiping her tears as we spoke, and finally breathing a deep sigh of relief by the end of our talk! We then hugged and went back to our various units.

I did not know the full impact of our talk until about three weeks later. I saw the new Viveen, happier and energetic as ever. When she hugged me and told me all that happened in the past few weeks, I cried for joy! Viveen, after discussing with her physician, started to walk in the park. In three weeks, she already lost about twelve pounds, and she gladly showed me her new girth! Within a few months, her doctor reduced her medications to the barest dose. Need I say she is not on insulin! And her blood sugar has remained within the desired range!

I cried again last Saturday when we met at a party. Almost everyone there has heard about my encounter with Viveen that Winter night two years ago! What made me cry again for joy and wanna share this incident with the world was what one elderly woman said to me at that party. She put her hands on my shoulders and said, "My child, Viveen already told us what you did. Our words can kill. They can also heal. God uses people to help people. Please do not ever change!" I felt on top the world knowing that through one person, Viveen, I have ended up positively impacting many more lives! Yes, words can kill! Words can also save and heal! We can start impacting the world one person at a time! If after reading this piece someone realizes the need to say some kind words to others especially those that are hurting, and or becomes mindful of the power of the spoken words, my aim for sharing the story would have been achieved!

Christian Mothers

Nkiru Oh


Somebody please come to the rescue! Women are going nuclear with the way they 'share' 'current affairs' and stories about their 'friends' and others! Don't wanna call it 'gossip' cos I wouldn't wanna be accused of belittling my gender. With all due respects for all the beautiful, intelligent, disciplined and gracious Nigerian women all over the world, this piece addresses the few bad apples that have sworn to spoil the whole bunch! What is going on with some women?

 High school students perfected the "polite gossip" method. If during an outing for instance, a girl wanted to tell that another student borrowed her outfit or a pair of shoes, she would wait until it was dancing time. She would edge close to a group or whomever she wanted to 'confide' in and would start a 'polite' conversation. Or she might start talking to herself: "woow, I didn't even know that dress is this beautiful! When I wore it to Ifeoma's (not real name) wedding, I didn't know it was this gorgeous! Look how it fits Uju more than me the owner!" Now, if no one responded, she would edge closer and be direct: "Tell me Nkiru, that dress Uju is wearing is my dress but when I put it on, it doesn't fit me like this. Or does it?" If she was the mean type, she would go, "the way Uju is dancing so roughly, I hope she doesn't tear my dress o. That I borrowed it to her doesn't mean she should destroy it, haba! That's why I don't like to borrow my things. That was how Jane borrowed my shoes and brought them back without the buckles...and...and Njii borrowed my white Sunday hat and turned it to 'it was white'! All this borrow-borrow girls sef!" She might decide to give Uju that 'do-not-even-dare-spoil-my-dress' look which often yielded the expected result. Poor Uju would sit at a corner with a 'headache' or sudden 'menstrual cramps' until the end of the party! But they were young and knew not what they were doing!
What then do we call what some full grown Nigerian women do these days? Weird as it is, some women behave like immature high school kids of yesteryears! Yes, they gossip and destroy without baiting an eyelid! They fabricate all sorts of lies to bring down others! As if those are not enough, they now use technology to further their mischief! A co-worker once told me that when you are on the phone with someone and she asks you to hold, you should please, check yourself. Why, you asked? Well, if the conversation is 'top secret' or 'highly classified', you are better off  hanging up the receiver. Reason? Cos she might have asked you to hold on so she would connect her cohorts to hear the story from the 'horse's mouth!' You may believe you are conversing with Lady Gossipy but Miss Ratty and Mrs. Catty are listening in! By the end of your talk, your confidential story is everywhere! Some men do that too but the women surpass them! Women have gone nuclear in the art of gossip! And many of them are mothers... Christian mothers! Quite unfortunate, you know! So how about if the person puts you on hold for some genuine reason? Well, when she comes back, watch her questions. If she starts the story afresh or asks you to rewind...mmmmm...use discernment please! Many people have experienced it. A friend of mine was asked to eavesdrop but she hung up. Smart woman...didn't wanna be a party to that lowest of lows! Such betrayal hurts! A co-worker (Jide for this write-up) was on the phone with her so-called friend when she tried the gaffe. To her shame, she forgot she had switched back to Jide and went, "Ada...don't say nothing, just listen!" When she apologized for keeping her waiting, Jide was like "that's not a problem...so let's talk later..click!" Imagine!

Add the above method to sending texts and emails plus anonymously printing and circulating all sorts of ugly stories about people and tell me if those women have not gone wild! You think every adult is matured? Hell no! Some behave so disgustingly immature, awfully low-life and despicably shameless too! While people are aiming for the highest good, while many are working to make some positive impact in society, those losers and hypocrites are busy on the social media tarnishing people's image! What is going on women? What is the rage for? Why won't they grow up and go get a life? Why the anonymous mails? Since they have become dare-devils, why hide? Dare-devils do not hide that's why their activities constitute a dare! Methink they are afraid of lawsuits hence they go underground. But why engage in such acts in the first place? Is it envy or just insanity? I mean, could it be those women are sick in the head? Could it be they are angry at successful women because they remind them of their failures! Are they mad at society because they are losers? Wherein  lies the honor of a Christian Mother who chooses to tear down rather than build up? Which God is she serving? What do you think are some of the reasons for such appalling behavior?

ADDICTED TO PRESCRIPTION DRUGS!- Part One

By Nkiru Oh

Disclaimer: This write-up is not meant to be used for medical diagnosis or treatment or as a substitute for consultation with a qualified health care professional. It is merely to create awareness of this brain disease known as "drug addiction".

Addiction, whether to food or drugs, is a terrible disease which has destroyed many lives! According to Webster's, a disease is "any departure from health presenting marked symptoms; malady, illness; disorder." Addiction is a departure from health and all it stands for! The American Society of Addiction Medicine aptly depicts addiction as "a disease process characterized by the continued use of a specific psychoactive substance despite physical, psychological or social harm," The addict continues despite the harm to self, others and society. The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) defines drug addiction as "a chronic, relapsing brain disease that is characterized by compulsive drug seeking and use, despite harmful consequences." It is termed a brain disease because "drugs change the brain...its structure and how it works...[and] these brain changes can be long lasting, and can lead to the harmful behaviors seen in people who abuse drugs." Drug addiction is a killer-disease which has destroyed, and still is destroying lives on a daily basis!

 Sad as it is, drug addicts have the need to use drugs to "feel normal." The compulsion is so overwhelming that the user becomes highly preoccupied with obtaining the drugs of choice, through legal or illegal means, to satisfy the cravings. Nothing else matters until that need for a shot is met! Abrupt stop of use or failure to satisfy the cravings leads to serious and or painful withdrawal symptoms. Four  things that easily come to mind are 1. Addiction is a disease. 2. Addicts are not weak-willed! Their brains react differently to effects of drugs. 3. Addicts need help to stop! and 4. Relapse is common!
Drugs of abuse, according to the NIDA include Alcohol; Cocaine (powerful, addictive stimulant); Inhalants; LSD;  Ecstasy (one of the deadliest); PCP (Phencyclidine); Hallucinogens; Heroin (highly addictive, most abused and most rapidly acting opiate); Marijuana; Methamphetamine; Anabolic Steroids; Tobacco/Nicotine; and Prescription Drugs. This write-up concentrates on Prescription drug addiction because it seems to be  the least emphasized by society and medical personnel.
Many erroneously believe that an addict is only one hooked to crack, cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine, PCP and other illegal drugs but prescription drugs are said to be the "second most commonly abused category of drugs, behind marijuana and ahead of cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine and other drugs," and thousands die every year from drug addiction. Prescription drugs become addictive when they are used for non-medical purposes or in a manner "inconsistent with their labeling or for reasons they were not prescribed." Because the doctor prescribed it does not make it okay to use drugs other than what it is meant for or to share it with one it wasn't ordered for. Its addictive effects are also dangerous as drugs obtained illegally from the streets.

Prescription drugs most often abused include: OPIATES and MORPHINE DERIVATIVES: Examples, oxycodone (Oxycontin),  propoxyphene (Darvon), hydrocodone (Vicodin), hydromorphone (Dilaudid), meperidine (Demerol) and diphenoxylate (Lomotil), also used for cough and diarrhea, Codeine, Morphine, Fentanyl, and others. Opiates are very potent pain killers often used to relieve post surgical pain. They act "directly on the respiratory center in the brain stem, slowing down a person’s breathing." When used in excess, an opiate can "cause the respiratory centers to shut down breathing altogether, causing death." Health hazards from long term use include developing tolerance for the drugs: one must take higher doses to achieve the same initial effects; lowered heart rate & blood pressure; unconsciousness; coma; death; especially when mixed with alcohol! When used as directed by a physician, opiates are said to be safe and generally do not produce addiction. But bear in mind they are said to "also possess very strong reinforcing properties and can quickly trigger addiction when used improperly." Adhering to the doctor's order cannot be overemphasized!

DEPRESSANTS: the barbiturates, (Amytal, Seconal, Nembutal, Phenobarbital), benzodiazepines (Ativan,Valium, Xanax, Librium) and sleep medications as zolpidem (Ambien), zaleplon (Sonata), eszopiclone (Lunesta) and so on. These highly addictive drugs are used for anxiety, panic and sleep disorders.  Intoxicating effects include: "Sedation/drowsiness, reduced anxiety, feelings of well-being, lowered inhibitions, slurred speech, poor concentration, confusion, dizziness, impaired coordination and memory." Lowered inhibitions lead to bizarre behaviors! Possible adverse effects include lowered blood pressure, slowed breathing, tolerance, withdrawal, addiction; increased risk of respiratory distress and death when combined with alcohol. Long term users are advised to seek the assistance of medical professionals to stop use. Attempting to stop on their own may have serious withdrawal consequences!

 STIMULANTS: a class of drugs said to increase brain activity: alertness, attention, and energy that is accompanied "by elevated blood pressure, increased heart rate and respiration." These include amphetamines (Dexedrine, Adderall), methylphenidate (Concerta, Ritalin), and are used in weight loss treatment programs, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and sleep disorders. Users are said to express feelings of exhilaration, increased energy and mental alertness. Abuse of these drugs may lead to feelings of hostility and paranoia; dangerously high body temperature; increased heart rate and blood pressure, tremors, stroke, heart attack, aggression, hallucinations, panic, impulsive behavior, irritability, delirium, seizures, and obviously death!
Besides the risks these drugs pose when used on their own, greater risks occur when they are combined with other drugs or with alcohol. Serious adverse effects from drug interactions are emphasized!
In effect, drug addiction, which is an improper use of medications, is a disease with brutal consequences, and an addict needs help to stop! Do not be an enabler rather be a helper! Next we will discuss why people take drugs and signs and symptoms of drug addiction...

The Battle of the Sexes: the Role of the Wife

By Nkiru Oh

The war between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law still rages. What are some of the issues at stake? What can be done to stop this war? Part one of this write-up treated some issues with the mothers-in-law. This part tries to analyze the roles of daughters-in-law to create, maintain, and, or restore peace in their families.

Sometime ago, a young girl told me that her prayer was to never marry a man whose mother was still alive! Shocked as I was, I quickly comported myself so I would not scare her further. When I asked her reasons, she gave me more than an earful which space would not allow me to repeat here. Her main fear was that all mothers-in-law are evil and therefore do not deserve to live! According to her, they hate their sons' wives and are always bent on breaking their marriages!  Do not crucify her please! When a young person makes an assertion such as this, it is one's responsibility as a matured adult to try and find out the root, and help assuage her fears, otherwise one makes things worse!

The questions I asked my young friend apply to every woman out there who share similar beliefs: Do you have a mother? Do you have brothers? Would you want your mother to die before your brothers get married? Do you intend to get married and, or become a mother some day? Assuming you have sons, would you want to die before they get married so you won't be a mother-in-law? When she answered, "God forbid" to my last question, I could see the fear in her eyes of the possibility of my question! I continued, if you have daughters, would you want to see them maltreated by their mothers-in-law or any one else? My friend confirmed she never thought that deep in her entire life!

What then is the fight about? Is the wife too possessive or a control freak? Does she see her husband as her extension? Couples are not extensions of each other please! Some men, in their love-crazed 'trance', tell their fiancees who initially objected to the relationship, what each person said and to whom. (The role of men in this war is another topic, please, bear with me). Has the wife forgiven those people? Is she ready to move on or has she come into the marriage battle-drawn ready? Due to this 'halo effect' on the part of the wife, the mother-in-law now becomes her number one enemy. And that is very wrong! Did any of her relatives advice her to "shine her eyes"? Doesn't it feel great to do the right thing and forget about the nay-sayers?

Again, does the wife see her husband's relatives as parasites? Is the husband the sole provider? Does she know he still has some role to play in his family? Would she want her brothers to neglect her mother and siblings because they got married? If no, why then would she advise her man to hands off his family after marriage? Does she see her mother-in-law as a rival? Does she know she is the wife and not his mother? Does she play her role as his wife and allow his mother to play hers? Am not saying women should not look out for their husbands. They should, after all, they have been joined to become one. But while protecting him and his interests, the wife must remember the man had a family before they became one! I know the man, his wife and their kids form the nuclear family. But we still need our extended families to cherish and to hold! Or are we gonna dispose of everybody simply because Bros got married? What joy to know one can count on those relatives!
Yes, there are mothers who belong to the group of the "Insatiables" and the "Mean-spirited"! Hey, one should adopt the golden rule: "do unto others as you would wish them do unto you", and reap the rewards that come with it! Mutual respect needs to be imbibed! And the men have a great role to play too...

The Day I Wished to Die!

By Nkiru Oh

Life is full of vicissitudes! So long as we are in the world, no one is totally free from the ups and downs in life. My mother used to say that "it's only a dead man who has every right to boast!" Yes, because what else can he suffer in this life? He is free from pain and heartaches!
Many people have encountered situations that might have made them question everything in life including the existence of God! Do not blame those people please! The pain of the moment can drive any one crazy. He/she may be hurting so intensely that he/she may experience temporary insanity. Some who went that route, sadly, never recovered. It then behoves those around the person in a hurtful situation to help him/her retain some sanity! Words heal! Words also kill! Be careful what you tell some one who is hurting. Like my mother said, "if you don't know what to say, or you don't have any meaningful thing to say, please, do not say a word!" Your careless, insensitive utterance may be all the person needs to go over the edge!

So what was it that made me wish to die, you may be asking? Well, I am about to share that with you here and now. January 5, 1986 has remained indelible in my mind. I don't cry about it any more. But it's still vivid as if it happened yesterday. That was the day I lost a child, to me, one of the most painful losses for a mom! Being young and inexperienced did not help! But does it really matter? Got pregnant while in school. Pregnancy was uneventful. Was not sick even for a day. Kept all my doctor's/prenatal appointments. Did everything as I was told. Nine blessed months later...in a twinkle of an eye...I lost my baby during delivery!!! Baby was breach presentation!

Out of stupidity, carelessness or sheer foolhardiness, a nurse held the baby's umbilical cord together with it's leg which led to my precious baby's asphyxiation!!! Holding its cord while baby was in the birth canal was like sealing one's nose and mouth!!! By the time they realized it, my beautiful gift had died while in transit into the world!!! A Cesarean section was too late!!! I wept until there was no strength left in me!!! I wished to die! I prayed to die!! I willed to die!!! Would have died but my husband's words consoled me and made me hang on. With tears running down his face, he said: "I am sad we lost the baby. But...I still have you...and that is all that matters to me now...God will give us other children...Am happy you survived...and you are here with me!!!" And while saying those words, he held me real close to his heart...and that very moment, I resolved to live!!!

THE BEAUTIFUL YOU!

By Nkiru Oh
Some things baffle me and I want to share them with you. Hopefully, you may explain them better to me. I have observed that many blacks are turning white. I mean blacks from African nations such as Nigeria, Ghana, Liberia, and Sierra Leone. So what's this rave about skin bleaching all about? Do those people know the implications of bleaching their skin? Who says one must be fair or bleach one's skin to be beautiful? What are those people really thinking? Somebody explain please!

See, I was taught that our skin is our largest organ whose major function is to protect us from "microbes and the elements." It also helps to "regulate body temperature, and permits the sensations of touch, heat, and cold." Imagine being rigid! Mmmmm...! How about serving as "a waterproof covering that prevents excessive loss or gain of bodily moisture." No wonder they look so dry! So why should people destroy the epidermis, the first layer that creates skin tone, thus exposing the dermis, second layer with its connective tissue, hair follicles and sweat glands, to danger? Does anyone think of the harmful chemicals used in those bleaching products or their adverse effects?

It's not my business, right? It becomes my business when some one stands or sits next to you smelling like rotten fish! Am not being harsh. It's the truth! It becomes my business when someone, trust me they like to come close to your face and put their arms around your neck, comes within earshot and you become nauseated and sick to your stomach due to the stench of dead skin that is sloughing! What torment! Yes, it becomes my business when someone holds her hand out for a handshake and you quickly withdraw yours because her hand looks soooo dry and lifeless with black and white blotches on the knuckles! Gosh, those blotches, eeewwww! And when they get sick, my tax money goes into their care!

Will never forget one of my class mates in College. She bleached herself so much that she could not go in the sun without covering her entire body except the face. Even her bra straps caused her damage. As she put it "sunburn renders a bleached skin permanently black." Why go through the hassle then? Her skin looked so bad, not to her though, that one day a Prof. in our Health class used her to explain the disease, Vitiligo! Damn! The Prof. had no clue that 'beauty is just skin deep!'

What is more shocking is that men now bleach too! I have seen many men with "Fanta-Face-Coke- Legs", and "Guinness Stout-Knuckles" like those women too! How about the bleached necks that now look like turkey and or vulture necks as the necks of those women too! Can someone please tell them to stop trying to shake my hands! Their knuckles scare the crap outta me! And they shouldn't come too close either. I need to breathe too!

The Battle of the Sexes-Part One

 By Nkiru Oh

For years a battle has been raging between mothers-in-law versus daughters-in-law. This ongoing war does not seem to abate soon. So my question remains why? Why do many women find it difficult to co-exist with others? What is the battle for? One is the mother. The other is the wife. So what, in God's name, are they fighting for? Why would two people who profess to love the same man not live peacefully? Come to think of it, why is it that fathers-in-law do not wage wars with their sons' wives? Does it mean men are easier to please? Are they more understanding? Is it right to say that men are less competitive for their children's attention? Or that men are more matured? Is it now obvious that men feel more secured than women? Why must the battle be between the women? What is the matter with some of us? What are we fighting for? I need answers please!

Before any woman or mother feels offended, I am a woman and a mother too! I want us to join hands to end this war! A woman was strangled by her mother-in-law for giving birth to a third girl! Another was set ablaze for similar reason! Yet another was stripped naked because the son refused to give money to his mother, and it must be the wife's fault! Oh, another would call her son 5:30 AM almost daily for some 'crucial' meeting. Why, you may ask? Because she knows that is when the couple does some early morning stuff! Don't forget the mother who insists on cooking for her sons even after marriage. Really? Is she the mother or the wife? What is she trying to prove? The list is endless! What is going on women? Where is the love you said you have for your son? I believe that if you love someone, you wanna see that person happy. Right?

If a mother, wrecks her son's marriage/family, where then is the love? God bless my mother! Never heard that she quarreled with my brothers' wives! On one occasion when one of my brothers said an unkind word to his wife, and he had the nerve to do so in our mom's presence, Lord have mercy... he did not like what he got! We all joined our mother to give him some mouthfuls. Yes, we gave him enough for a lifetime! ( By the way, the case with the sisters-in-law is the subject of another write-up). My brother never tried the bull crap again! Am not saying my brother has a perfect marriage. No one does. But my mother did not compete with her sons' wives! That means it can be done! There can be peace between mothers and their sons' wives!
Okay, the mother gave birth to a son, nurtured him, went through thick and thin to see that he turned out well. Yes? I almost forgot, she carried him for nine long months...aha! Now what? Children should love and honor their parents. To me as a Christian, that is not to be compromised. But the love for a mother is different from that for a wife! And that is what some mothers fail to understand. That she does not approve of the girl is not a reason to torment her! She is her son's choice! She does not choose for her son. Or is she saying her son is foolish or not matured enough to know what he wants? Why wont she give peace a chance and enjoy the privilege extended to her?

Besides, some mothers tend to forget that they were once some one's daughter-in-law. And their daughters are married into other families too. Even if she has only sons, so what? Won't it be nice for mothers to treat their daughters-in-law the way they would want their daughters to be treated? Won't it be better if mothers should relax and allow the younger couple to live their lives while according them all due respect? Won't it be great that they accept their sons' wives as part of the family and stop seeing them as usurpers and rivals? Mothers should remember that their sons' wives are some one's daughters, and hopefully, will become mothers some day! It's all about letting go, cutting the apron strings, loving one's son enough to accept that he has become a man, a husband, and one day, a father! The daughters-in-law have a great role to play for peace to reign. But that will be discussed in Part 2..............