Could it Be a Phobia or What?

 Nkiru Oh


A conversation I had with a friend few days ago produced this write-up. Deji (not real name) and I were grocery shopping when he suddenly whispered, "hmmmm...seems someone around here has 'ablutophobia'!" Am like -ablu-what? He repeated, "seriously, Nk...some body here has ablutophobia!" I laughed more out of ignorance cos I had no clue what that meant. After the supposed 'ablutophobe' passed by my walking encyclopedia-friend blurted out that ablutophobia means "having an obsessive fear of washing or bathing"! Never heard of that! And so, I decided to test some of my co-workers and friends on their knowledge of phobias. Trust girls, almost everyone knows claustrophobia. Yea, fear of closed space, or confinement, right? But wait until you read some of our findings!

Beside the fun we had learning so many uncommon fears, I realized that a knowledge of some of those phobias may help explain some people and behaviors that we term 'weird' or 'bizarre'. That made me want to share this list with you. Remember that a phobia is having an obsessive fear of an object, person, people, thing, etc. The person possessed of a phobia is a -phobe. For examples: macrophobe, claustrophobe, ablutophobe. Below is some of the rare phobias I found. Happy reading:

Acarophobia: having an obsessive fear of itching.
Acerophobia: having an obsessive fear of sourness or sour things.
To avoid boring you to next week, I won't keep repeating 'having an obsessive fear of'. Will just say 'fear of'. Let the fun continue:

Acrophobia: fear of heights, high places.
Agateophobia/Dementophobia: fear of insanity.
Agathophobia: kindness. Fear of kindness...mmmmmm!
Agryophobia: fear of streets or crossing them.
Agriozoophobia: fear of wild animals.
Ailurophobia: fear of cats.
Alektorophobia: fear of chickens or roosters.
Allodoxaphobia: fear of different opinions. 
Amychophobia: fear of being scratched.
Aneblophobia: fear of looking up.
Androphobia: fear of men.
Anuptophobia: fear of staying single.
Aphenophobia: fear of riches or wealth. Are you kidding me!
Apeirophobia: fear of infinity.
Apotemnophobia: fear of persons with amputations.
Arachbutyrophopbia: fear of peanut butter sticking in mouth. Trust me, some sound crazier than the others!
Atelophobia: fear of imperfections.
Athazagoraphobia: fear of forgetfulness or being forgotten.
Basiphobia: fear of falling or being unable to stand.
Brontophobia/ Ceraunophobia: fear of thunder and lightning.
Blogoophobia:fear of blogs, writing them.
Cacophobia: fear of ugliness.
Caligynephobia/ Venustraphobia:fear of beautiful women. Wow..wow...wow!
Catagelophobia: fear of being ridiculed.
Catapedophobia: fear of jumping
Cathisophobia: fear of sitting. This one is really serious!
Catoptrophobia: fear of mirrors.
Coimetrophobia: fear of cemeteries.
Clinophobia: fear of going to bed.
Coprastasophobia: fear of constipation.
Cyprianophobia: fear of prostitutes or veneral disease. Isn't this one nice?
Cypridophobia: fear of veneral diseases.
Cyprinophobia:fear of  prostitutes. Mmmm...if many people have this fear, I wonder...!
Deipnophobia:fear of  dining.
Dikephobia: fear of justice, lawsuits.
Didaskaleinophobia: fear of going to school.
Dishabiliophobia: fear of undressing in front of someone.
Dystychiphobia: fear of accidents.
Gamophobia: fear of marriage.
Geliophobia: fear of laughter.
Genophobia: fear of sex.
Hamartophobia: fear of sinning.
Haphephobia or Haptephobia: fear of being touched.
Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia: fear of the number 666.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: fear of long words.
Novercaphobia: fear of your step-mother. This one is really serious na!.
Ochophobia: fear of vehicles!
Ommetaphobia or Ommatophobia: fear of eyes! Now, how does one explain this one!
Optophobia: fear of opening one's eyes!
Orthophobia: fear of property.
Okay, may be you know those ones, how about these:
Rhypophobia:fear of defecation.
Sarmassophobia/ Malaxophobia: fear of love play.
Sinophobia: Fear of Chinese, Chinese culture.
Sitophobia or Sitiophobia or Cibophobia: fear of food or eating...mmmmmm....
Uranophobia or Ouranophobia: fear of heaven.
Urophobia: fear of urine or urinating.
Venustraphobia: fear of beautiful women.
Vestiphobia: fear of clothing.
Vitricophobia: fear of stepfather!
Wiccaphobia: fear of witches and witchcraft.
Xenophobia: fear of strangers or foreigners.
Xerophobia: fear of dryness
Xylophobia: 1. fear of wooden objects. 2.fear of forests
Xyrophobia: fear of razors.
Zelophobia: fear of jealousy.

The list goes on. While this may be fun, I hope it helps to understand some behaviors! You can add any uncommon ones you know...

"No passion so effectually robs the mind of its powers of acting and reasoning as fear." --Edmund Burke

The Wicked Mom!

Nkiru Oh

Kids are innocent and they often say the funniest things! My first son, Ozi, was three years old when I had his sister. Oh was he ecstatic! He loved her so much and wanted to give her the world. Problem started when his sister would not play wrestling and the game of soccer with him! He therefore requested for a brother. He pleaded that we should 'buy' him a boy to play with. At a point he even gave me the money and showed me where to 'purchase' the boy. As far as he was concerned, parents, especially mothers, have  the power to buy any child they want. And loving moms buy brothers for their sons to play with! Behold, I had another girl and the begging for a brother continued!

By the time Ozi was six, I had had three girls consecutively, and he could not take it any longer! When I was pregnant with the third girl, not that we knew the baby's sex though, he pleaded throughout the pregnancy that I should ensure to have a boy! To welcome the supposed brother, he gave me all his toys and some of his new clothes to keep for 'him'. He also gave me his newest soccer ball to put away for 'him'. All my explanations were too complicated for his innocent young brain. So the very day baby and I came back from the hospital, Ozi was out of himself with joy! He frequently checked the baby's ears. Each time he touched the baby's ears, he smiled broadly and literally kissed her from head to toes! I termed those touches and kisses part of his excitement for having a sibling.

Three days later, he checked the baby's ears and saw she was wearing a pair of tiny stud ear-rings. Boy-Oh-boy...all hell was let loose! Ozi threw himself on the floor wailing and throwing the worst tantrum I ever witnessed in his entire young life! Nothing pacified him! He wouldn't talk to me or look at my face! When my mom, his granny, pleaded that he tell her what ailed him, he snapped angrily, still crying bucketfuls, "Mommy is very wicked. Oh my Guowd...she is very wicked! I begged her not to pierce the baby's ears so that he would remain a boy! Now she pierced his ears and she has become a girl! Mommy has turned my brother into a girl... and girls dunno how to play football!" Holly Molly! It took divine intervention and my mom's wisdom to calm him down! And he continued to give me the meanest look until I promised to have a brother for him some day!

The Story of a Kidney and an iPad 2

Nkiru Oh

Once upon a time, a 17 year-old Chinese boy wanted to buy an iPad 2 and an iPhone but had no money. Nothing unusual anyway. Then in April of 2011, a broker contacted him on the internet and offered to help him sell one of his kidneys to obtain the gadget! Becoming unsual. Come April 28, 2011, somewhere in Hunan Province China, the broker arranged and a surgeon removed the boy's right kidney...stop right here! Now getting weird! Yes, a surgeon, threw his Hippocratic Oath to the dogs, performed an illegal surgery on a child, in a hospital not qualified to perform organ transplants, to obtain the child's kidney for resell to the highest bidder! If that is not atrocious and heineous, then I do not know what is! People say that wonders shall never end. I choose to say that wonders are just beginning! So many unnatural ocurrences, many in the realms of the absurd and bizarre, that I am beginning to think that the world may actually be coming to an end! I mean, literally!

Adults are supposed to be wiser. They are supposed to protect children. Often times, education is  equated with nobility. If this is so, how does one explain the this surgeon who was one of the five miscreants in the kidney-for-iPhone/iPad case? How low can humans go? How wicked can some people be? And to think that the devil-incarnate-broker gave the boy about $3,500 out of $31,500 realized from d sale, and split the rest of the money with the surgeon and his other partners-in-crime! Oh by the way, the boy now is said to have renal problem, and his condition is deteriorating! Hope those criminals rot in prison for the rest of their wretched lives...and that is after they would have been made to donate one kidney each for a good cause! Damned souls..


"It's motive alone that gives character to the actions of men."--Jean De la Bruyere

AIRBORNE

Disclaimer: all the names in this write-up are fictitious and bear no semblance to anyone living or dead.

My very good friend, Jasmine, shared this story with me. It happened to someone we knew from years back. I promised to share every juicy story I came across with you. This is one heck of a juicy story. Oh, did I have a good laugh! It wouldn't have been funny at the initial time, but hey, time heals most wounds. The person involved now laughs about it so why won't I? Call up your imaginative self and come with me: Vivienne and Doug have been having an affair for about two years. As at the time of this story, Vivienne was a fourth year student in one of the colleges out of state while Doug lived in New Jersey with his wife of seventeen years and their three kids.

One weekend in August of 2011, Vivienne was coming to spend a four-day weekend with her man. Her busy schedule made it impossible to visit often. Doug promised her a special surprise and a memorable weekend. He took the Thursday and Friday off to have ample time for his girl, rented a suite in a hotel out of town, ready to have a blast!

As soon as she boarded the plane, as agreed, Vivienne called and informed Doug. The journey normally takes one and a half hours. "Yes...today is the day," Doug muttered. "Today she will experience the new Douglas Jimka...aah...Vivienne will know that I am the man!" He was whistling and dancing to Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing" as he took the maximum dose of a new Aphrodisiac he bought off the world wide web. Its onset is about one hour and the effects last for 36 hours! According to the manufacturers, the man should commence action as soon as the effects of the drug start! Thirty minutes after taking the drug, a heavy storm was announced. Yes, Doug and Vivienne knew about the oncoming storm but convinced themselves that Vivienne would have arrived in New Jersey before it would start!

"Hell No...it cannot be! Who-t da f...damn! Rerouting the plane? What do these fools mean by diverting the plane? For what?" Three hours later, Vivienne was still airborne! Doug was airborne too, having gone from being very uncomfortable to having excruciating pain and a fever. His erected manhood was near breaking point! He found it impossible to stand, sit or lie down! The slightest movement hurt as if someone was tugging on his genital to severe it from his body!  Even the touch of his briefs or bed linen caused intense pain! That was when he called Jasmine wailing! Masturbation was out of the question...the severity of the pain ruled out such act! Go to the Emergency room? But what would he tell the doctor...and then his wife...yes, his wife who knew he went to a conference in San Francisco? No...the hospital was not an option! He wrapped his rigid sex organ in ice-cold wash cloth and got some relief. By the time Vivienne arrived four hours later, Doug was too exhausted to perform. He would not even let Vivienne come too close, afraid that she might exacerbate the pain! And he could not go home either. For three days, the two sulking lovers stayed in their love nest but lover-boy, Douglas, could not get an arousal!


"One cannot manage too many affairs: like pumpkins in the water, one pops up while you try to hold down the other."-Chinese proverb