Hello Sexy!

Nkiru Oh

Hello y'all! Just wanna share this with you. Can't keep such fun without sharing! Won't be nice of me, you know. Now tell me, have you ever laughed so hard that your stomach hurt for days? I mean, kinda laughed so 'laughiously' that you almost peed in your pants or shed tears? That was no ordinary laugh right? By the way, who cares whether 'laughiously' is an English word or not! At least, it serves its purpose to quantify the kind of laughter I am talking about! The 'rolling on the floor' type of laugh!

Well, my friends and I did all of the above few weeks ago! My co-worker and friend, Becky (not real name) made us almost 'laugh our heads off' as one of my Ghanaian friends would say! We were in a party. I implore you to close your eyes and imagine the scene as we go along! You may turn off the lights too if that helps to conjure a better imagery! My friend Becky is the kinda person that lightens the room with her personality.

So, we were in a party! Becky wore this gorgeous wrap-around skirt. That day she dressed to kill and she wanted the world to notice! Here we were on the dance floor; Becky in her 4 1/2 inch high heel shoes parading the length and breath of the hall, swinging, flinging, wriggling, wiggling, twisting, taunting, and flaunting her assets in her well-rehearsed manner! You know what I mean, right? Lo and behold, the unexpected happened: Becky was all the way near the high table in the front when someone hushed, Oh my Gawd wha da heeell...!" We looked ahead to find Becky's skirt lying on the floor, a good ten feet away from her, while she was busy cat walking and mingling!!! Holly Molly! With one accord, the whole house roared and roared and roared! That day made me realize that we laugh in various languages! I heard myself laughing in English, Igbo, Hausa, Yoruba and Ijaw! I heard some laughing in Chinese, Deutsch, Arabic, Swahili, German, French, Creole and other languages I did not know! And that was when Becky turned...saw...and...temporarily froze!

Are y'all still with me? What happened was that Becky wore a black, tight boy short underneath the skirt. Thank God it was clean and not torn too! (Please remind me to tell y'all the story of the man with a torn underwear). So, because of the way the short clung tightly around her, she did not feel it when her skirt wriggled off while she continued with her 'notice me' behavior! I believe her skirt wanted to prove that 'what a woman can do, a recalcitrant skirt can do better?' Thank God for the gentleman who quickly picked the 'notice-me-skirt' and gave it back to the rightful owner! Becky nicely put it back and the fun continued uninterrupted! Becky almost 'laughed her head off' too! And everyone was happily ever after!

My Random Thoughts

Nkiru Oh

Being broke is temporary. It definitely must come to an end! It is quite different from being poor which entails a complete negation of self worth! This too may be temporary! But the worst and also dangerous kind of poverty is the Spiritual/ Mental one. This type negates both self worth and creation as a whole! It equates stagnancy! It is only comparable to being a living dead!


Let it go!
You have held on for too long!
Free your heart from the torture of unforgiveness!
Free your mind from anger and bitterness!
Let it go, stop hindering your blessings!
Jesus forgave you and even died on the cross for you!
Today is the day for you to let it go!
Let it go, you have held on for too long!!!!


You know you are matured when you can objectively analyze issues no matter whose ox was gored! Other than that, you ain't there yet


People who question their self worth belittle others to cover their fears and inadequacies! Too bad they end up making everything more glaring!

What Do You Have?

Nkiru Oh

This write-up came about from the sermon I heard during service yesterday. The pastor ministered with 2 Kings 4:1-7. I was so touched and blessed that I want to share what I learned with you. The summary of the passage goes like this: creditors were haunting a widow to pay up her late husband's debt or they would take her two sons as collateral to work for them until the debt was paid off. Mmmm...the word creditors, and their incessant, annoying phone calls sound familiar? Of course, you said! So the widow ran to prophet Elisha for help. When Elisha asked her what she had at home, she answered nothing ONLY a jar of oil! The prophet then instructed her to go and borrow as many empty pots as she could, pour the oil in those pots, sell the oil, pay off her creditors and then live on the rest with her kids! Wow! What touched me so deeply apart from the woman's faith, which will constitute another write-up, is the issue of using what one has, insignificant as it may seem, to achieve what one needs!

Often, human beings neglect what they have in their pursuit of the unattainable. Note how the widow disregarded her pot of oil! She had nothing, she said. Then probably as an after thought she added, ONLY a pot of oil! We have different skills, talents, gifts, endowments, call it whatever you like. Many neglect the substance and keep chasing after the shadow! Sometimes, what we call NOTHING or THRASH may be a hidden FORTUNE! What do you have that you can use to get out of debt, or to live better? It may be small initially, like the widow's pot of oil, but if you persevere, it will be something great. Think about it. Meditate on it!

Again, children of God often ask God for financial breakthroughs. What do you have in your house that God can use to bless you? What skill do you have? What talent do you have? Can you sing, dance, knit, cook, or bake? May be you have something unique to teach people! Any special recipe handed down from grandma, mom, auntie Liz, or a neighbor that you can modify and use? Can you write? May be those stories you tucked away in your closet will turn into a bestseller! What special skill do you have that you can utilize especially at this time of  global economic crisis? What differentiates you from others? What is your niche? Have you ever sat down to identify a need and analyze how you can be a solution to it? Have you ever thought of what you can do to excel apart from, or in addition to, what the government hands down. Are you out of work or in need? Is it very difficult to make ends meet? Have you ever explored you? Do you know you've been equipped for success? Ask God to show you what you have that he will use to bless you!

Do you observe that Elisha asked the widow to shut the door behind her while she poured the oil? Yes, you need to shut the door behind you too! Go on your knees and ask for direction. Shut the door against fear and doubt. These two will defeat you even before you start! How will you know if you will succeed if you did not try? Shut the door behind the pessimists, and all naysayers! Yes, they will try to discourage you and give you a million reasons why you will fail! Ignore the laggards too! Shut the door behind them all. They will come around after you have succeeded! 

Some Tax Benefits Worth Sharing...

Came across this piece of tax info and figured it might benefit you (if you are in the United States). Hey, who wouldn't wanna save some money! Let me know what you think of it please!


http://money.msn.com/taxes/8-types-of-income-the-irs-cant-touch

Where Have All the Nice Girls Gone?

Nkiru Oh

Many a time, a male friend or acquaintance has asked me where he could find "a nice girl" to marry? I often dismissed such question with a wave of hand. I had presumed those men were being unreasonably picky. My recent encounter with Jason (not real name) made me re-evaluate my stand. Come to think of it, "where really have all the nice girls gone?" This question got me thinking and asking my own series of questions! And "where have all the good men gone?"

How many times have you heard a man talk about searching for Miss Right, or a woman talk about looking or waiting for Mr. Right or her Soul Mate? My question remains: how prepared is the man or woman to meet that right person? Yes, everyone has a 'list' of what he/she wants from a mate. How about what the mate may be looking for in you? The questions I asked Jason few weeks ago apply to all the single men and women out there who are looking for that right mate. How long is your list? How 'meetable' are your goals? Are there things on your list that are pushing likely 'catches' away? Are you looking for the impossible, or the 'impossicant' as I sometimes term it just for emphasis? Are you living in the present or past?

One look at Jason's list made me ask him whether he was looking for a slave or a wife? If you have a penchant for trying to change your mate, then you seriously need to re-evaluate your list! If a girl is fond of stopping her man from what he enjoys, then she has a long time to wait! So how long is your list girl? Men do not want a girl with a long list, or one full of  'don'ts' and 'never'! Girls do not want that either!

So where have all the nice girls gone? Where are all the good men? Are you mentally prepared to meet that right person? Are you working towards that or are you waiting for a chance encounter? I mean, if you want something, go for it. Hey girls, please, I did not say be desperate! Desperation scares the crap outta likely potentials! I said, go for it and that entails preparing yourself, being ready to be the Mr. Right/ Miss Right so that when you meet your mate, two of you will form a nice fit! I liken dating to being ready for a job. If one wants a position, it's better to prepare oneself for that position by acquiring the needed skills or training so that when the opportunity knocks, one readily answers! You want an independent woman, for example? Are you independent? You want a mate with 'potentials'? I have heard this uncountable number of times from both sexes! My question: what are your potentials? You want an educated, intelligent man? Are you educated and intelligent? Oh yes, the man wants a woman that is driven? Are you driven? What drives you?

How often do you review your list? Are you aware that the Mr. or Miss Right you seek has his or her own list? Are there things you are willing to compromise? Do you need to climb down from your high horse? Are you suffering from an over bloated ego? While I suggest you do not compromise your ideals, those things that make you who you are, I also advice that you do not over-rate yourself! Are you Mr. Right yourself? Or are you waiting for your Miss Right to come around to either "mother you" or "accept you as you are?" Really? How about you being the right person while looking for your right match? Or are you projecting your inadequacies onto the potential? Are you blaming whoever you meet for having a false sense of value cos of your below average standards? Mmmmm, not a good idea, you know! Prepare yourself. Do not concentrate on finding the right person. Work more on being the right person yourself so that when you meet your Miss or Mr. Right, none of you would wanna let go!

Permit me to inform you that my conversation with Jason opened his eyes! He later told me that he revisited his list and made some necessary adjustments. Thank you Jason for your honest appraisal of self? Before you start condemning every opposite sex, are you willing and ready to to do an honest self-appraisal? Do you know where you are lacking? Are you too righteous to err, the Mr. and Miss Perfects of the world? Are you ready to accept your shortcomings and readjust your list? Are you willing and ready to learn, unlearn, and relearn certain things? I'll be glad to hear from you!

MEN AND DIABETES...and Women Too!

Nkiru Oh

Disclaimer: this write-up is not meant to be used for medical diagnosis or treatment or as a substitute for consultation with a qualified health care professional. It is merely to raise awareness about Type 2 Diabetes!

I recently discovered one more reason why I should always love and be thankful for being a woman! After reading the BBC news article of 10/3/2011, titled "Men 'more prone to type 2 diabetes", am like, "thank God I am a woman!" Men must be wondering why I am jubilant. Let me clarify please. I ain't happy because men are more prone to developing diabetes. Am ecstatic because having extra subcutaneous fat on the behind and hips are beneficial, at least for once! Yippee!

According to researchers, men are 'biologically susceptible' to diabetes. How? Why? They store their fat in their liver and waist, two bad areas for fat storage! Women, on the other hand, are said to be endowed with more fat storage havens on their thighs and hips! Yes, thighs and hips as opposed to the liver and the waist! Due to this difference in fat distribution, the researchers opined that whereas men "need to gain far less weight than women to develop the condition...women need to accumulate more fat overall than men to develop the harmful fat deposits linked with diabetes." Mmmm...! And when I remember another finding that women who breastfeed for long have decreased risks of some cancers, I went wow, women are the bomb! Mothers with flat boobs can rejoice after all! Yea, their flat boobs have paid off, and exponentially too!

But before all the heavy-set ladies get carried away, let us remember that storing our excess fat in those two aforementioned areas have their health risks also! Besides diabetes, think about severe joint problems! Imagine being crippled by arthritis! How about being at higher risk for chronic conditions as hypertension and high cholesterol; coronary heart disease; stroke; gallbladder disease; some cancers, yes for example, colon, endometrial,etc; sleep apnea and other respiratory problems? You bet these are killer diseases if left unchecked! Gosh, what a jab! So what next? I have started to work on my excesses! Can't afford to not wear my block-heeled shoes! Diabetes scares the crap outta me too! You might as well start on yours. Seems nice if we share our ideas and compare notes later! What do you think?

The Glasgow University research team also found that men developed diabetes at a lower Body Mass Index (BMI) than women. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), BMI is a number "calculated from a person's weight and height...[which] provides a reliable indicator of body fatness for most people and is used to screen for weight categories that may lead to health problems." It is a tool for indicating weight status in adults in relation to height. BMI ranges are as follows (from CDC):

BMI	Weight Status
Below 18.5	Underweight
18.5—24.9	Normal
25.0—29.9	Overweight
30.0 and Above	Obese

Some classify BMI of 40.0 and above as Morbidly (deadly) Obese. Below are guides to calculating BMI (from CDC):

Measurement Units	Formula and Calculation
Kilograms and meters (or centimeters)	Formula: weight (kg) / [height (m)]2 With the metric system, the formula for BMI is weight in kilograms divided by height in meters squared. Since height is commonly measured in centimeters, divide height in centimeters by 100 to obtain height in meters. Example: Weight = 68 kg, Height = 165 cm (1.65 m) Calculation: 68 ÷ (1.65)2 = 24.98 [ie. 68/1.65=41.212/1.65=24.977=24.98]
Pounds and inches	Formula: weight (lb) / [height (in)]2 x 703 Calculate BMI by dividing weight in pounds (lbs) by height in inches (in) squared and multiplying by a conversion factor of 703. Example: Weight = 150 lbs, Height = 5'5" (65") Calculation: [150 ÷ (65)2] x 703 = 24.96  [ie 150/65=2.307/65=0.0355x703=24.95=24.96]

Note that 1foot=12 inches; 1kg=2.2lbs

Also, note that BMI is not a diagnostic tool! It is only one factor related to risk for disease. To assess one's likelihood of developing overweight- or obesity-related diseases, the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute recommends looking at two other predictors:

• One's waist circumference (because abdominal fat is a predictor of risk for obesity-related diseases). [40ins or less for men; 35ins or less for women. Note that waist circumference is measured around the navel and not below the waist...*wink*]
• Other risk factors one has for diseases and conditions associated with obesity (for example, high blood pressure or physical inactivity.

Consider the following too: as per CDC:

At the same BMI, women tend to have more body fat than men.

At the same BMI, older people, on average, tend to have more body fat than younger adults.
Highly trained athletes may have a high BMI because of increased muscularity rather than increased body fatness.

In effect, both men and women need to be aware of the issues at stake and how to reduce the risk of developing Type 2 diabetes. The disease is caused by too much sugar in the blood. This happens when the body stops making enough insulin or becomes unable to utilize the insulin produced to regulate sugar levels in its various organs! Anyone who is overweight should try to avoid gaining additional weight. And, being overweight with other risk factors (such as high LDL cholesterol, low HDL cholesterol, or high blood pressure), pose more risk! Weight loss is advised. Even a small weight loss (just 10% of one's current weight) may help lower the risk of disease. But please consult with your physician about the best weight loss regimen for you!

The Power of the Spoken Word!

Nkiru Oh

One night during the Winter of 2010, I encountered what was to become one of the sweetest, most satisfying workdays in my career as a health care professional. I was with some co-workers when Viveen (not real name) wobbled in and sank in the remaining empty chair at the corner. Before I could ask any question, she said resignedly, "V (my middle initial)...I am now a diabetic! I was diagnosed three days ago! My doctor checked me and my blood sugar was more than 500...yes, I am now a diabetic V!" Before I could say a word, she continued, tears running down her face, "he even gave me insulin shot...yea...said he had to...my sugar was too high." Again she repeated like a chorus to a music stanza, "I am now a diabetic...V....I am a diabetic!" When I looked at her face, I saw not only fear but hopelessness. I saw helplessness. I saw dejection and despair. I saw  resignation and emptiness. I saw a woman who believed she had received a death sentence and was waiting for the executioner in the gallows! I did not bargain for what was unfolding in front of me. The sight of the once energy-filled, vivacious Viveen, sitting on that chair like a piece of rag, stretched me beyond my training and experience! I quickly said a silent prayer, "Lord, pls tell me what to say!"

 While we were at it, as she sat there breathing heavily and sweating profusely despite the cold night, two of her friends cum colleagues came to give her what I chose to call the 'last sacrament'. One brought her two packs of unsalted crackers, the other a bottle of water, both gifts she absent-mindedly accepted and mumbled her thanks. The one that brought the crackers instructed her like a matron, "you know this is what you should be eating from now on. Now eat before your sugar gets messed up!" And both left. My heart sank into the pit of my stomach! Here were two people with no clue about diabetes, already 'teaching' and messing her up for real! Lord have mercy!

Viveen was about to open the crackers when I spoke. I honestly do not remember my exact words but based on what Viveen told me again yesterday, and probably for the hundredth time, the words literally brought her back to life! I remember bringing my chair closer, sitting about 2 feet from her, putting both hands on her shoulders, with her permission, and engaging her eyes as I spoke. I remember telling her that diabetes does not define her or any who has it; that it is a disease which if managed properly especially at the early stage, minimizes one's chances of developing complications years later! I remember asking her to discard those 'special gifts' together with the mindset with which she accepted them, to face diabetes and fight it as if there was no tomorrow! I asked her to discuss with her doctor so she would start walking immediately to lose some weight; and to work with her health care team to put the disease in check! Yes, exercise helps the body to utilize nutrients, and working with the doctor and the team is very crucial! I remember seeing Viveen sitting up, lightening up and wiping her tears as we spoke, and finally breathing a deep sigh of relief by the end of our talk! We then hugged and went back to our various units.

I did not know the full impact of our talk until about three weeks later. I saw the new Viveen, happier and energetic as ever. When she hugged me and told me all that happened in the past few weeks, I cried for joy! Viveen, after discussing with her physician, started to walk in the park. In three weeks, she already lost about twelve pounds, and she gladly showed me her new girth! Within a few months, her doctor reduced her medications to the barest dose. Need I say she is not on insulin! And her blood sugar has remained within the desired range!

I cried again last Saturday when we met at a party. Almost everyone there has heard about my encounter with Viveen that Winter night two years ago! What made me cry again for joy and wanna share this incident with the world was what one elderly woman said to me at that party. She put her hands on my shoulders and said, "My child, Viveen already told us what you did. Our words can kill. They can also heal. God uses people to help people. Please do not ever change!" I felt on top the world knowing that through one person, Viveen, I have ended up positively impacting many more lives! Yes, words can kill! Words can also save and heal! We can start impacting the world one person at a time! If after reading this piece someone realizes the need to say some kind words to others especially those that are hurting, and or becomes mindful of the power of the spoken words, my aim for sharing the story would have been achieved!

Christian Mothers

Nkiru Oh


Somebody please come to the rescue! Women are going nuclear with the way they 'share' 'current affairs' and stories about their 'friends' and others! Don't wanna call it 'gossip' cos I wouldn't wanna be accused of belittling my gender. With all due respects for all the beautiful, intelligent, disciplined and gracious Nigerian women all over the world, this piece addresses the few bad apples that have sworn to spoil the whole bunch! What is going on with some women?

 High school students perfected the "polite gossip" method. If during an outing for instance, a girl wanted to tell that another student borrowed her outfit or a pair of shoes, she would wait until it was dancing time. She would edge close to a group or whomever she wanted to 'confide' in and would start a 'polite' conversation. Or she might start talking to herself: "woow, I didn't even know that dress is this beautiful! When I wore it to Ifeoma's (not real name) wedding, I didn't know it was this gorgeous! Look how it fits Uju more than me the owner!" Now, if no one responded, she would edge closer and be direct: "Tell me Nkiru, that dress Uju is wearing is my dress but when I put it on, it doesn't fit me like this. Or does it?" If she was the mean type, she would go, "the way Uju is dancing so roughly, I hope she doesn't tear my dress o. That I borrowed it to her doesn't mean she should destroy it, haba! That's why I don't like to borrow my things. That was how Jane borrowed my shoes and brought them back without the buckles...and...and Njii borrowed my white Sunday hat and turned it to 'it was white'! All this borrow-borrow girls sef!" She might decide to give Uju that 'do-not-even-dare-spoil-my-dress' look which often yielded the expected result. Poor Uju would sit at a corner with a 'headache' or sudden 'menstrual cramps' until the end of the party! But they were young and knew not what they were doing!
What then do we call what some full grown Nigerian women do these days? Weird as it is, some women behave like immature high school kids of yesteryears! Yes, they gossip and destroy without baiting an eyelid! They fabricate all sorts of lies to bring down others! As if those are not enough, they now use technology to further their mischief! A co-worker once told me that when you are on the phone with someone and she asks you to hold, you should please, check yourself. Why, you asked? Well, if the conversation is 'top secret' or 'highly classified', you are better off  hanging up the receiver. Reason? Cos she might have asked you to hold on so she would connect her cohorts to hear the story from the 'horse's mouth!' You may believe you are conversing with Lady Gossipy but Miss Ratty and Mrs. Catty are listening in! By the end of your talk, your confidential story is everywhere! Some men do that too but the women surpass them! Women have gone nuclear in the art of gossip! And many of them are mothers... Christian mothers! Quite unfortunate, you know! So how about if the person puts you on hold for some genuine reason? Well, when she comes back, watch her questions. If she starts the story afresh or asks you to rewind...mmmmm...use discernment please! Many people have experienced it. A friend of mine was asked to eavesdrop but she hung up. Smart woman...didn't wanna be a party to that lowest of lows! Such betrayal hurts! A co-worker (Jide for this write-up) was on the phone with her so-called friend when she tried the gaffe. To her shame, she forgot she had switched back to Jide and went, "Ada...don't say nothing, just listen!" When she apologized for keeping her waiting, Jide was like "that's not a problem...so let's talk later..click!" Imagine!

Add the above method to sending texts and emails plus anonymously printing and circulating all sorts of ugly stories about people and tell me if those women have not gone wild! You think every adult is matured? Hell no! Some behave so disgustingly immature, awfully low-life and despicably shameless too! While people are aiming for the highest good, while many are working to make some positive impact in society, those losers and hypocrites are busy on the social media tarnishing people's image! What is going on women? What is the rage for? Why won't they grow up and go get a life? Why the anonymous mails? Since they have become dare-devils, why hide? Dare-devils do not hide that's why their activities constitute a dare! Methink they are afraid of lawsuits hence they go underground. But why engage in such acts in the first place? Is it envy or just insanity? I mean, could it be those women are sick in the head? Could it be they are angry at successful women because they remind them of their failures! Are they mad at society because they are losers? Wherein  lies the honor of a Christian Mother who chooses to tear down rather than build up? Which God is she serving? What do you think are some of the reasons for such appalling behavior?

ADDICTED TO PRESCRIPTION DRUGS!- Part One

By Nkiru Oh

Disclaimer: This write-up is not meant to be used for medical diagnosis or treatment or as a substitute for consultation with a qualified health care professional. It is merely to create awareness of this brain disease known as "drug addiction".

Addiction, whether to food or drugs, is a terrible disease which has destroyed many lives! According to Webster's, a disease is "any departure from health presenting marked symptoms; malady, illness; disorder." Addiction is a departure from health and all it stands for! The American Society of Addiction Medicine aptly depicts addiction as "a disease process characterized by the continued use of a specific psychoactive substance despite physical, psychological or social harm," The addict continues despite the harm to self, others and society. The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) defines drug addiction as "a chronic, relapsing brain disease that is characterized by compulsive drug seeking and use, despite harmful consequences." It is termed a brain disease because "drugs change the brain...its structure and how it works...[and] these brain changes can be long lasting, and can lead to the harmful behaviors seen in people who abuse drugs." Drug addiction is a killer-disease which has destroyed, and still is destroying lives on a daily basis!

 Sad as it is, drug addicts have the need to use drugs to "feel normal." The compulsion is so overwhelming that the user becomes highly preoccupied with obtaining the drugs of choice, through legal or illegal means, to satisfy the cravings. Nothing else matters until that need for a shot is met! Abrupt stop of use or failure to satisfy the cravings leads to serious and or painful withdrawal symptoms. Four  things that easily come to mind are 1. Addiction is a disease. 2. Addicts are not weak-willed! Their brains react differently to effects of drugs. 3. Addicts need help to stop! and 4. Relapse is common!
Drugs of abuse, according to the NIDA include Alcohol; Cocaine (powerful, addictive stimulant); Inhalants; LSD;  Ecstasy (one of the deadliest); PCP (Phencyclidine); Hallucinogens; Heroin (highly addictive, most abused and most rapidly acting opiate); Marijuana; Methamphetamine; Anabolic Steroids; Tobacco/Nicotine; and Prescription Drugs. This write-up concentrates on Prescription drug addiction because it seems to be  the least emphasized by society and medical personnel.
Many erroneously believe that an addict is only one hooked to crack, cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine, PCP and other illegal drugs but prescription drugs are said to be the "second most commonly abused category of drugs, behind marijuana and ahead of cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine and other drugs," and thousands die every year from drug addiction. Prescription drugs become addictive when they are used for non-medical purposes or in a manner "inconsistent with their labeling or for reasons they were not prescribed." Because the doctor prescribed it does not make it okay to use drugs other than what it is meant for or to share it with one it wasn't ordered for. Its addictive effects are also dangerous as drugs obtained illegally from the streets.

Prescription drugs most often abused include: OPIATES and MORPHINE DERIVATIVES: Examples, oxycodone (Oxycontin),  propoxyphene (Darvon), hydrocodone (Vicodin), hydromorphone (Dilaudid), meperidine (Demerol) and diphenoxylate (Lomotil), also used for cough and diarrhea, Codeine, Morphine, Fentanyl, and others. Opiates are very potent pain killers often used to relieve post surgical pain. They act "directly on the respiratory center in the brain stem, slowing down a person’s breathing." When used in excess, an opiate can "cause the respiratory centers to shut down breathing altogether, causing death." Health hazards from long term use include developing tolerance for the drugs: one must take higher doses to achieve the same initial effects; lowered heart rate & blood pressure; unconsciousness; coma; death; especially when mixed with alcohol! When used as directed by a physician, opiates are said to be safe and generally do not produce addiction. But bear in mind they are said to "also possess very strong reinforcing properties and can quickly trigger addiction when used improperly." Adhering to the doctor's order cannot be overemphasized!

DEPRESSANTS: the barbiturates, (Amytal, Seconal, Nembutal, Phenobarbital), benzodiazepines (Ativan,Valium, Xanax, Librium) and sleep medications as zolpidem (Ambien), zaleplon (Sonata), eszopiclone (Lunesta) and so on. These highly addictive drugs are used for anxiety, panic and sleep disorders.  Intoxicating effects include: "Sedation/drowsiness, reduced anxiety, feelings of well-being, lowered inhibitions, slurred speech, poor concentration, confusion, dizziness, impaired coordination and memory." Lowered inhibitions lead to bizarre behaviors! Possible adverse effects include lowered blood pressure, slowed breathing, tolerance, withdrawal, addiction; increased risk of respiratory distress and death when combined with alcohol. Long term users are advised to seek the assistance of medical professionals to stop use. Attempting to stop on their own may have serious withdrawal consequences!

 STIMULANTS: a class of drugs said to increase brain activity: alertness, attention, and energy that is accompanied "by elevated blood pressure, increased heart rate and respiration." These include amphetamines (Dexedrine, Adderall), methylphenidate (Concerta, Ritalin), and are used in weight loss treatment programs, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and sleep disorders. Users are said to express feelings of exhilaration, increased energy and mental alertness. Abuse of these drugs may lead to feelings of hostility and paranoia; dangerously high body temperature; increased heart rate and blood pressure, tremors, stroke, heart attack, aggression, hallucinations, panic, impulsive behavior, irritability, delirium, seizures, and obviously death!
Besides the risks these drugs pose when used on their own, greater risks occur when they are combined with other drugs or with alcohol. Serious adverse effects from drug interactions are emphasized!
In effect, drug addiction, which is an improper use of medications, is a disease with brutal consequences, and an addict needs help to stop! Do not be an enabler rather be a helper! Next we will discuss why people take drugs and signs and symptoms of drug addiction...

The Battle of the Sexes: the Role of the Wife

By Nkiru Oh

The war between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law still rages. What are some of the issues at stake? What can be done to stop this war? Part one of this write-up treated some issues with the mothers-in-law. This part tries to analyze the roles of daughters-in-law to create, maintain, and, or restore peace in their families.

Sometime ago, a young girl told me that her prayer was to never marry a man whose mother was still alive! Shocked as I was, I quickly comported myself so I would not scare her further. When I asked her reasons, she gave me more than an earful which space would not allow me to repeat here. Her main fear was that all mothers-in-law are evil and therefore do not deserve to live! According to her, they hate their sons' wives and are always bent on breaking their marriages!  Do not crucify her please! When a young person makes an assertion such as this, it is one's responsibility as a matured adult to try and find out the root, and help assuage her fears, otherwise one makes things worse!

The questions I asked my young friend apply to every woman out there who share similar beliefs: Do you have a mother? Do you have brothers? Would you want your mother to die before your brothers get married? Do you intend to get married and, or become a mother some day? Assuming you have sons, would you want to die before they get married so you won't be a mother-in-law? When she answered, "God forbid" to my last question, I could see the fear in her eyes of the possibility of my question! I continued, if you have daughters, would you want to see them maltreated by their mothers-in-law or any one else? My friend confirmed she never thought that deep in her entire life!

What then is the fight about? Is the wife too possessive or a control freak? Does she see her husband as her extension? Couples are not extensions of each other please! Some men, in their love-crazed 'trance', tell their fiancees who initially objected to the relationship, what each person said and to whom. (The role of men in this war is another topic, please, bear with me). Has the wife forgiven those people? Is she ready to move on or has she come into the marriage battle-drawn ready? Due to this 'halo effect' on the part of the wife, the mother-in-law now becomes her number one enemy. And that is very wrong! Did any of her relatives advice her to "shine her eyes"? Doesn't it feel great to do the right thing and forget about the nay-sayers?

Again, does the wife see her husband's relatives as parasites? Is the husband the sole provider? Does she know he still has some role to play in his family? Would she want her brothers to neglect her mother and siblings because they got married? If no, why then would she advise her man to hands off his family after marriage? Does she see her mother-in-law as a rival? Does she know she is the wife and not his mother? Does she play her role as his wife and allow his mother to play hers? Am not saying women should not look out for their husbands. They should, after all, they have been joined to become one. But while protecting him and his interests, the wife must remember the man had a family before they became one! I know the man, his wife and their kids form the nuclear family. But we still need our extended families to cherish and to hold! Or are we gonna dispose of everybody simply because Bros got married? What joy to know one can count on those relatives!
Yes, there are mothers who belong to the group of the "Insatiables" and the "Mean-spirited"! Hey, one should adopt the golden rule: "do unto others as you would wish them do unto you", and reap the rewards that come with it! Mutual respect needs to be imbibed! And the men have a great role to play too...

The Day I Wished to Die!

By Nkiru Oh

Life is full of vicissitudes! So long as we are in the world, no one is totally free from the ups and downs in life. My mother used to say that "it's only a dead man who has every right to boast!" Yes, because what else can he suffer in this life? He is free from pain and heartaches!
Many people have encountered situations that might have made them question everything in life including the existence of God! Do not blame those people please! The pain of the moment can drive any one crazy. He/she may be hurting so intensely that he/she may experience temporary insanity. Some who went that route, sadly, never recovered. It then behoves those around the person in a hurtful situation to help him/her retain some sanity! Words heal! Words also kill! Be careful what you tell some one who is hurting. Like my mother said, "if you don't know what to say, or you don't have any meaningful thing to say, please, do not say a word!" Your careless, insensitive utterance may be all the person needs to go over the edge!

So what was it that made me wish to die, you may be asking? Well, I am about to share that with you here and now. January 5, 1986 has remained indelible in my mind. I don't cry about it any more. But it's still vivid as if it happened yesterday. That was the day I lost a child, to me, one of the most painful losses for a mom! Being young and inexperienced did not help! But does it really matter? Got pregnant while in school. Pregnancy was uneventful. Was not sick even for a day. Kept all my doctor's/prenatal appointments. Did everything as I was told. Nine blessed months later...in a twinkle of an eye...I lost my baby during delivery!!! Baby was breach presentation!

Out of stupidity, carelessness or sheer foolhardiness, a nurse held the baby's umbilical cord together with it's leg which led to my precious baby's asphyxiation!!! Holding its cord while baby was in the birth canal was like sealing one's nose and mouth!!! By the time they realized it, my beautiful gift had died while in transit into the world!!! A Cesarean section was too late!!! I wept until there was no strength left in me!!! I wished to die! I prayed to die!! I willed to die!!! Would have died but my husband's words consoled me and made me hang on. With tears running down his face, he said: "I am sad we lost the baby. But...I still have you...and that is all that matters to me now...God will give us other children...Am happy you survived...and you are here with me!!!" And while saying those words, he held me real close to his heart...and that very moment, I resolved to live!!!

THE BEAUTIFUL YOU!

By Nkiru Oh
Some things baffle me and I want to share them with you. Hopefully, you may explain them better to me. I have observed that many blacks are turning white. I mean blacks from African nations such as Nigeria, Ghana, Liberia, and Sierra Leone. So what's this rave about skin bleaching all about? Do those people know the implications of bleaching their skin? Who says one must be fair or bleach one's skin to be beautiful? What are those people really thinking? Somebody explain please!

See, I was taught that our skin is our largest organ whose major function is to protect us from "microbes and the elements." It also helps to "regulate body temperature, and permits the sensations of touch, heat, and cold." Imagine being rigid! Mmmmm...! How about serving as "a waterproof covering that prevents excessive loss or gain of bodily moisture." No wonder they look so dry! So why should people destroy the epidermis, the first layer that creates skin tone, thus exposing the dermis, second layer with its connective tissue, hair follicles and sweat glands, to danger? Does anyone think of the harmful chemicals used in those bleaching products or their adverse effects?

It's not my business, right? It becomes my business when some one stands or sits next to you smelling like rotten fish! Am not being harsh. It's the truth! It becomes my business when someone, trust me they like to come close to your face and put their arms around your neck, comes within earshot and you become nauseated and sick to your stomach due to the stench of dead skin that is sloughing! What torment! Yes, it becomes my business when someone holds her hand out for a handshake and you quickly withdraw yours because her hand looks soooo dry and lifeless with black and white blotches on the knuckles! Gosh, those blotches, eeewwww! And when they get sick, my tax money goes into their care!

Will never forget one of my class mates in College. She bleached herself so much that she could not go in the sun without covering her entire body except the face. Even her bra straps caused her damage. As she put it "sunburn renders a bleached skin permanently black." Why go through the hassle then? Her skin looked so bad, not to her though, that one day a Prof. in our Health class used her to explain the disease, Vitiligo! Damn! The Prof. had no clue that 'beauty is just skin deep!'

What is more shocking is that men now bleach too! I have seen many men with "Fanta-Face-Coke- Legs", and "Guinness Stout-Knuckles" like those women too! How about the bleached necks that now look like turkey and or vulture necks as the necks of those women too! Can someone please tell them to stop trying to shake my hands! Their knuckles scare the crap outta me! And they shouldn't come too close either. I need to breathe too!

The Battle of the Sexes-Part One

 By Nkiru Oh

For years a battle has been raging between mothers-in-law versus daughters-in-law. This ongoing war does not seem to abate soon. So my question remains why? Why do many women find it difficult to co-exist with others? What is the battle for? One is the mother. The other is the wife. So what, in God's name, are they fighting for? Why would two people who profess to love the same man not live peacefully? Come to think of it, why is it that fathers-in-law do not wage wars with their sons' wives? Does it mean men are easier to please? Are they more understanding? Is it right to say that men are less competitive for their children's attention? Or that men are more matured? Is it now obvious that men feel more secured than women? Why must the battle be between the women? What is the matter with some of us? What are we fighting for? I need answers please!

Before any woman or mother feels offended, I am a woman and a mother too! I want us to join hands to end this war! A woman was strangled by her mother-in-law for giving birth to a third girl! Another was set ablaze for similar reason! Yet another was stripped naked because the son refused to give money to his mother, and it must be the wife's fault! Oh, another would call her son 5:30 AM almost daily for some 'crucial' meeting. Why, you may ask? Because she knows that is when the couple does some early morning stuff! Don't forget the mother who insists on cooking for her sons even after marriage. Really? Is she the mother or the wife? What is she trying to prove? The list is endless! What is going on women? Where is the love you said you have for your son? I believe that if you love someone, you wanna see that person happy. Right?

If a mother, wrecks her son's marriage/family, where then is the love? God bless my mother! Never heard that she quarreled with my brothers' wives! On one occasion when one of my brothers said an unkind word to his wife, and he had the nerve to do so in our mom's presence, Lord have mercy... he did not like what he got! We all joined our mother to give him some mouthfuls. Yes, we gave him enough for a lifetime! ( By the way, the case with the sisters-in-law is the subject of another write-up). My brother never tried the bull crap again! Am not saying my brother has a perfect marriage. No one does. But my mother did not compete with her sons' wives! That means it can be done! There can be peace between mothers and their sons' wives!
Okay, the mother gave birth to a son, nurtured him, went through thick and thin to see that he turned out well. Yes? I almost forgot, she carried him for nine long months...aha! Now what? Children should love and honor their parents. To me as a Christian, that is not to be compromised. But the love for a mother is different from that for a wife! And that is what some mothers fail to understand. That she does not approve of the girl is not a reason to torment her! She is her son's choice! She does not choose for her son. Or is she saying her son is foolish or not matured enough to know what he wants? Why wont she give peace a chance and enjoy the privilege extended to her?

Besides, some mothers tend to forget that they were once some one's daughter-in-law. And their daughters are married into other families too. Even if she has only sons, so what? Won't it be nice for mothers to treat their daughters-in-law the way they would want their daughters to be treated? Won't it be better if mothers should relax and allow the younger couple to live their lives while according them all due respect? Won't it be great that they accept their sons' wives as part of the family and stop seeing them as usurpers and rivals? Mothers should remember that their sons' wives are some one's daughters, and hopefully, will become mothers some day! It's all about letting go, cutting the apron strings, loving one's son enough to accept that he has become a man, a husband, and one day, a father! The daughters-in-law have a great role to play for peace to reign. But that will be discussed in Part 2..............

HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

By Nkiru Oh

Remember the most embarrassing moment we talked about the other day? Well, I have another one to share with you. This did not happen to me though. It happened to one of my colleagues some years back. It's not like I laugh at people's misfortune. Never! The fact is that silly things often make us have a good laugh!

Now talking of a good laugh. Do you know that laughter is said to be one of the best medicines ever! Yea...the good old hahahahahehehekikikihikihiki...! And it's free too! So make sure you reap the rewards of this free therapy. Rather than squeeze your face like someone who drank some raw quinine, learn to laugh at yourself. Common, do not take things more serious than they are! If you are one of the embittered homo sapiens in this world...mmmmm...too bad cos you inflict untold woes on yourself! And do not say I did not warn you!

You know what? I think I can rightly deduce that one of the reasons I have this beautiful face, besides the grace of God, and then my parents' genes, is because I can laugh at my self. You're already clicking on my profile foto to prove me wrong? Naaaa! I mean for someone who started smiling few hours after she was born, I ain't doing badly in the laughing mode! That's one of my bragging rights! You doubt me, ask my mama! No...no...no, I laugh only when it's appropriate. I mean, inappropriate laughter connotes something wrong upstairs. Know what I mean?
Dunno why I like to digress! Think that makes the story juicier. Don't you think so? Yes na. So my friend Olivia (not real name) is not physically endowed like some of us. She learnt to augment her small breasts with enhancers. By the way there are enhancers for the behind too! Wonders shall never end!

So one beautiful morning at about 10:00AM, we worked the 6:00AM -2:00PM shift then, I saw Olivia going frantically from one room to another. Everyone asked her what was wrong. Initially, she paid us no mind. So we joined her in the search for the unknown! Ten minutes passed..then fifteen minutes. I was about to call off the search when one of the funniest scenes in the world unfolded right in front of me. Olivia looked me straight in the eyes and went: "Nkiru, please, did you see one of my boobs?" What? I, a boob-keeper? Then she turned to the team of searchers and went, "please, girls, did any one see my boob? Don't know where or when the right one fell off!" Osanobua! One look at Olivia's unequally yoked boobs and we all laughed so hysterically that my stomach hurt for days! You can imagine the scene! But guess what? We found the recalcitrant, stubborn, elopee boob in one of the bathrooms. Olivia gladly put it back where it belonged and every one was happily ever after! Don't forget to share your story. Let the activated laughing mode continue!

HIGHLY CLASSIFIED!

 Nkiru Oh


For long now, I've been wanting to share something highly classified with you. First of all, have you had an embarrassing moment in your life? I mean, the type of situation where you wished you could disappear, or that every other person would melt into thin air so nobody saw what happened to you? You have? No, don't ask me if I have experienced any. I asked you first. So, have you?

Let me be more specific: have you ever landed on your behind, in public, in the full view of everybody? Don't tell me I have a big behind to cushion the fall! That's not the point any way! The issue is that I landed flat on my behind in what I think was the most embarrassing manner of this century!!! To me at least! So, as I was saying, okay, how about I share mine and after, you share yours? Deal? Fine, here we go then.

No, no,no, why should I be ashamed to share an embarrassing moment with my friends, supporters and viewers? Why should you? Common now, learn to laugh at yourself. Life becomes sweeter that way! Even presidents had fallen at one time or the other. Some fractured some bones if I still recollect correctly! Many celebs too. Yeah, musicians and models are not spared either...some have traveled the route more than once. A couple of models fell off the stage onto the audience yet they did not quit their jobs so why should I not laugh at me? When Miss B or Lady J fell during a performance, each continued as if nothing happened. And that was exactly what I did trust me!

My classified expose` happened during a wedding sometime last year. Jesus Christ of Nazareth! Now release the power of  your imagination to the fullest...you can let it run wild too if you so desire! Start picturing the situation: I, yours sincerely, dressed to the T, wearing my 4-inch big-heeled coach sandals with a purse to match....Are you still there? You are laughing already? Okay, where did I stop? Ahaaa, I used to wear stilettos a lot but not anymore! Not because I got wiser and learnt to spare my back from the effects of wearing such shoes...no way...but am like, what's the point wearing shoes and one's face becoming contorted due to intense pain on the toes and lower back, or one walking with legs bent outwardly as if they have formed a bow, all in the name of fashion? I see people like that a lot. That's tortuous you know! So I now wear block high heels. Don't wanna lose no tooth from landing on my face!
Enough digression please! Eehee, so we were in line to toast the bride and groom. Here I was, feeling on top of the world; dancing so elegantly or should I say majestically; giving my million- dollar smile to whoever needed it; did not have a clue someone spilled wine on the carpet....OMG! Please travel to that day with me...as soon as my right foot touched the spill, all hell broke loose! Tried so much to break the fall to no avail! Come and see me skidding, skiing, gyrating, and finally moon walking for about five feet to the back until I heard a loud 'gboam' on the floor! Oh yes, I fell on my behind in the presence of all the wedding guests! The world stood still! You could hear the pin drop! To add salt to injury, the glass of wine in my hand plus that of the person standing next to me emptied on my white top! I think the lady was so amazed that I could do the moonwalk so easily that she forgot she was holding a glass! Or what do you think? Thanks for making the deal with me. Now go ahead and share your story! ***wink...wink***

Woman to Woman

By Nkiru Oh

Are you kidding me? Trust me, I must say how I feel! I have borne it for too long! My first question is, why do women project a lot onto their friends and fellow women? Secondly, why are women their worst enemies? Before you carry placards and start demonstrating, please, hear me out! I am a woman and I enjoy being one! What baffles me is the way some women hate and attack fellow women far worse than men do! Did I do any research to come up with this notion? Never said I did. That's why it's my opinion!

Did you just ask whether I speak from experience? You bet! I have seen many instances if that should count as part of my experience. Just yesterday, a twenty-three year old girl was conversing with her twenty-eight year old girlfriend. Are you still with me? Do you notice the five-year age gap? Okay, let's continue. Check out this conversation and see if I still need a research to arrive at my conclusion:
"So when are you getting married?" Corredia, (not rel name) the older girl, suddenly asked.
"What?"
"You heard me. I asked, when are you getting married?"
"Eeehm...what exactly are you talking about?"
"Am talking about you getting married!" This time she emphasized every word. "Or don't you know your mates are all married, some already with children?"
Now, let' rewind a bit. Corredia is five solid years older than her friend! And Corredia is unemployed and SSS, single and still searching. Okay, back to the story:
"Tell me you are kidding, Miss Corredia!"
"Do I look like a jokester to you?"
Need I tell you that by the time her younger, employed, friend who also has a steady boyfriend,  finished with her, the friendship, I am sure, fizzled!

You said one instance is not enough? Okay, how about a fifty-something year old woman addressing a thirty-something year old as "auntie", "yes ma'am", "sorry ma", "good morning ma!" "thank you auntie", and so on. What do you call this? Respect, you said? What kind of respect is that? Explain to me please!
Can't forget the drama at the work places! Some women know who did what to get which promotion; who slept with whom, when, where, how often, and even what each told the other during the act! Jeeez! Trust me, those women who know everything about others have no clue about themselves! Quite unfortunate you know!

Another one that is kinda absurd too is seeing a woman, with about triple layers of foundation to cover the many wrinkles and fine lines on her face, publicly volunteering her age to be in the early forties! Mind you, I ain't getting any younger. Neither are you. And I use foundation too. Common now, I've got to enhance my beauty. Do you notice that I used the word, 'volunteering'? Yes, because, those women do not wait to be asked before they tell you, and often, without minding whether your conversation is related to age and aging or not! Am like, stop already! Zip it please! I am not  interested in anyone's age. I will not discuss mine either. But don't you think it's better for people to say one looks younger than one's age than 'mtcheew, give me a break puuhleez!' I mean, I will prefer the former comment any day! Not that I am bothered by the way I look any way! Not yet. May be years later!

You know what ladies? Just be you. Live your life the best way you can. And learn to smile if you do not do so already. And stop carrying the weight of the whole world on your head. That will break your neck! Stop fussing about getting old and other people' ages or lives! Oh yes, quit poking your nose into other people's business! The more you do that, the worse off you become. It's like all the ages you project to your friends and others come back to you exponentially! Yea, it's okay to laugh! Won't charge you for it!

You still want more examples? Too many to contain in this short piece. A colleague saw me one morning and went like, "hey Nkiru, I think u should lose some weight!" Holly Molly! No, she wasn't done with me yet! "You are getting too fat and you better do something!" Are you kidding me? Did I tell you it was about 7 o'clock in the morning? Or that Miss Adviser did not even say 'hi' or 'good morning' prior to the verbal abuse? I said a short silent prayer: "Lord, please hold my mouth, amen!" When I looked at her abdomen hanging too closely to her knees,...Jesus Christo...no...no...no Nkiru PLEASE DO NOT! Then I heaved a loud sigh and said out loud, "thank you Lord for holding my mouth!" I would have verbally killed her if I had told her how petrified I was due to the size of her abdomen!

For more examples, check out the social networks. Read women's comments about fellow women. Read men's comments too. After that you tell me who uses kinder words to describe women. Rather than be happy for others, some women loathe them with a passion. Too bad! Oh, and some have every ugly explanation about why this or that woman is a success! If an actress succeeds, "oh no, she slept with so and so to get the roles." Oh yea? If another woman does well in business, "no way, she uses black magic." Woow! So, is this having a "Certified Loser's mentality" or what?  Those haters know what everyone else does to make money yet they are unemployed, loafing off relatives, friends and strangers alike, or still live hand-to-mouth or paycheck to paycheck?  My advice: do yourself, your family and the society a favor: get off your behind and make good use of your God-given brains and time! Projecting your flaws and fears onto others ain't gonna solve anything! It's not like I am anti-women. Never! Just don't like slothfulness and envy!

Money, Love and Relationship: My Perspective

Nkiru Oh

So what's this fuss about women being too materialistic because they want to date or marry only men with substance? The way some men, and sometimes women too, talk about this issue, am like is it now a taboo for a man to be rich? Yea, before you tell me that "money is the root of all evil," I beg you to please not misquote the Holy Book. I don't appreciate it when this amazing book is misrepresented. It says that, "the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. See the difference? So it is not money that is bad. It is when one loves money and worships it like a demi-god. And that is awful!

Am thinking, what's wrong with a man having money? Or, what's wrong with a man having it all? What's wrong with a man being able to provide for his guurl? Hey, feminists, and feminists-in-the-making, please don't even go there! Am not saying a woman should be a lazy bone or a leech! But as far as am concerned, being an independent, career woman should not stop a woman from allowing herself to be spoilt by her man! Or shall it? What's wrong with having both worlds anyway? Just my thoughts though!

Of course I know, a woman should be able to contribute in her own womanly ways....Any real woman would wanna be a pillar of support to her man. There is joy in that too. But is there anything inherently wrong in a woman choosing a man with substance? Why can a man be selective about the type of guurl he wants but some people cry blue murder when a woman does that? Why is it okay for a man to give statistics of who he wants to be with but a woman cannot do that? Yea, some men want them tall, short, skinny as a tube, curvy, fat, extra fat, exta-extra fat, fair, black, white, green, yellow, bald-headed, long-haired, short-haired, no foreign-haired, employed, professional, and so on. But a woman may be accused of having a false sense of value if she does that. Why?

Is there any man out there who sets out to date a Loser? You know, there are Losers and there  are Certified Losers, (CLs)! Never mind, I will explain: a Loser does not want to excel and does not envy any who excelled. He/ she is just resigned to his/her lot. Fine. A Certified Loser, on the other hand, does not want to excel, does not want anyone to excel, hates whoever excels, and blames everybody else, except himself/herself of course, for his/her woes! Terrible, you just screamed?  So who wants any of these for keeps? Not me, any way!

Should all men swear off wealth and embrace penury to cure guurls of  being 'too materialistic'? Oh yes, I know some will tell me that every relationship should be based on love. Love, yes. But how about if the man has love and money as well? How about if he spices up those two with character? Will a guurl say 'No' to such a man simply because he is 'loaded'? Does it now mean that men with a combination of money, love and character are extinct? I don't think so people! Those three characteristics are not mutually exclusive after all! Do I know men who possess all three characteristics? You bet I sure do!

I did a little research...not official mind you. I found out that people who emphasize this materialism stuff are not rich themselves. Is this then a kind of compensation? So my advice is this, free your minds people! Live your life and let others live theirs. And make your choices wisely too! What is your take on this?

"How Am I Driving?"

By Nkiru Oh

On several occasions, I have seen many commercial vehicles and school buses with this inscription at the back: "how am I driving?" Initially, I did not think about those words beyond their literal meaning: call the number at the back if the driver messes up on the road. I wonder whether anyone has the courtesy to call to commend a driver any way! Just musing though.

As time went on, I started thinking about those words beyond the surface meaning. I began to ask myself a lot of questions. How am I driving? Do I consider other road users or am I simply a selfish driver? Do I drive responsibly or recklessly like a maniac? Do I give myself time to get to my destination or do I wait until the last minute before I zoom off and want to fly and run all the red lights? Am I cognizant of the fact that my irresponsible driving can ruin me or other road users? Do I think of the consequences of any reckless behavior?

How am I driving? Do I pick up my cell phone as soon as I start my car? Do I drive and text at the same time? Yes, am I a 'car-talker' or 'car-texter' or both? Do I think about the thousands of lives that have been wasted due to addiction to 'car-talkng' and 'car-texting'?

At this stage of my life, that simple question, "how am I driving?" is not simple any more! The meaning now goes beyond operating a vehicle. It has become my daily assessment tool, a kind of mantra. How am I behaving in relation to my family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, strangers, in fact, other humans? Do not get me wrong please, I do not let people walk atop me. And I know about the creeps out there. But reminiscing on these words can broaden one's horizon for the better. Or don't you think so?

See, I have likened this tool to the golden rule, "do unto others as you would want them do unto you!" Yes, because, if I honestly and objectively analyze how I am driving, and the next person does the same, life will be better for all of us. There will be less road accidents, less careless deaths, less avoidable deaths, less wickedness, less violence in our society. How do I mean, you ask? By each of us being considerate, applying our freedom within control. It may not matter what others think of us. But we know when we deviate from the universal good.

So how well am I driving on this road of life? Do I know my purpose in life or am I clueless? If I know my purpose, am I fulfilling it or am I wasting time, wandering in darkness? Does my life have meaning? Is my life a blessing? Am I impacting positively or negatively? How well am I driving on this road of life?  It's impossible to satisfy everybody. But it's possible to aim for the highest good!  How am I driving? And how are you driving?

Depression: the Destroyer of Lives and Relationships

Depression is one of the most debilitating but least acknowledged diseases afflicting mankind. For years, scientists have been searching for origins, causes, and answers for the disease. It wrecks lives and relationships. At times, it operates subtly that the sufferer may not describe exactly what is wrong. It can also be wild and manifest in aggressive ways. In any manner it presents, depression afflicts without mercy. And it does not get the attention it deserves medically.

To the layman, depression is feeling sad. Often you hear people ascribe being depressed with any situation that does not go the way they wanted. For examples, "This rain this morning makes me depressed." "I was in traffic for 30 minutes and I was damned depressed!" "It snowed last night and I am now depressed." Really? That's all? Depression is more than feeling sad,  down or disappointed...

According to MediLexicon's Medical Dictionary, depression is "a mental state or chronic mental disorder characterized by feelings of sadness, loneliness, despair, low self-esteem, and self-reproach; accompanying signs include psychomotor retardation (or less frequently agitation), withdrawal from social contact, and vegetative states such as loss of appetite and insomnia."  Yes, depression does all those plus more.

Unfortunately, this debilitating disease is often ignored or treated with kid's gloves. Sometimes the sufferers, either due to ignorance, lack of access to healthcare, or fear of stigmatization in some cultures, do not seek help until it becomes a little too late. On the other hand, the sufferer may not get the aggressive treatment he/she needs. 

Bear in mind that I am neither a scientist nor an expert but I know what depression is. I know what it can do. I also have seen how dastardly it can be. I wish therefore to address depression the best way I deem fit. To do that effectively, please permit me to personify this malicious sickness. Here we go:

Depression!

Unexpressed anger! 

Suppressed emotions!

You thrive in darkness!

Sadness is your middle name!

Downward spiral!

Dejection!

Self-rejection!

Misery becomes you!
Depression!
Your nicknames are Gloominess!

Helplessness and Hopelessness!

Self-denigration is your last name!

You cause deprivation!

You crave hollowness!

You wallow in loneliness!

Depression!

Uncontrolled descent!

Despondency! Disillusionment!

You are oft called Despair!

Depression, you are a nuisance!
You destroy relationships!

You hold your victims captive!
You make them shadows of themselves!
You send them into penury!

You cause untold pain and anguish!

You hold in a grip and you squeeze so tight!

Depression, you entangle and never let go!

You enslave! You restrain! You possess!

You suppress! You repress! You oppress!

You have people on a choke-hold!
Depression, you smother! You destroy lives!

Depression, you are callous!

How stifling! How suffocating?

How painful, nasty and uncaring?

How cruel? How hurtful can you be?

Why do you flourish in malice?
Why are you so sneaky?
Why must you be a control freak?

Depression, I must expose you for what you are!
Depression, you are really devilish!

THE LETTER

By Nkiru Oh

(Disclaimer: all the names in this write-up are fictitious and not associated with anyone living or dead)

Otunba and Uduak had been married for 27 years. The couple were blessed with four children, twin boys, Miogbon and Mobolaji, and two girls, Ekaete and Takumi. Uduak, 48, was a 12th grade mathematics teacher in one of the high schools in New Jersey.

After twenty years as an accountant with a top notch firm in New York, Otunba retired and became self-employed. He exported fairly used cars to their native country Naija. His nature of business entailed a lot of traveling. He often went to Naija two weeks after the container had shipped. After selling the cars and whatever he shipped, he brought back ethnic foodstuffs which he resold to the ethnic food stores in the tri-state area (New Jersey, New York and Connecticut) with a high profit margin. On occasions when he did not sell everything during his trips, he supplied them to his customers who later paid the money into his domiciliary account.

Tall and handsome with broad shoulders, Otunba, at 58, looked ten years younger than his age. His smiles were disarming. His friends called him a 'ladies man'. More than twice Uduak had to forbid some of Takumi's female friends from coming over to their house because of their provocative dressings and the manner at which her husband stole glances at them. The children and their dad teased her for being too 'local' and weird. Otunba often commented that his wife left the village but the village never left her.

As time went on, Otunba started staying longer in Naija. Three weeks increased to four, five, six weeks, and then up to three months or more. Every subsequent trip lasted longer than the one before. His late-night phone calls increased too. He was getting too many customers who wanted him to buy cars for them. So why should he restrict their calls? 

"Otunba why do you now need to hide to answer your calls?" Uduak asked him one night when she woke up to use the bathroom at 2 o'clock in the morning and did not see him in bed. She became anxious but finally found him in the guest bathroom, with the lights out, talking on his cell phone.
"If you must know, Mrs. Curious Monkey, I do not want to disturb my wife's sleep! I mean, why should I?...here, take the phone and talk to Mr. Ibe, my agent cum major customer in Abuja...ask him why he is bringing many business deals to your husband? Go ahead, ask him...women and their troubles! You never satisfy them!" He walked past his wife and went back to bed. Uduak rejoined him, unconvinced by his feigned anger!

With time, Otunba started complaining about most things ranging from the food to sex. Every night he surfed the social networks for hours. Then he started chewing Viagra like candies and began asking for all kinds of sexual positions: the dog style, figure-8, figure-6, twist, humpy-hump, monkey style, and so on. Uduak's face-me-I-face-you (missionary) position no longer appealed to him. The fact that  she could not satisfy her husband's sexual appetite was alarming. She complained to the children who asked her to learn to live with the times!

Uduak went into a mild depression, started losing weight which turned her husband off the more. One day, after returning from one of his trips to Naija, Otunba did the unthinkable: he demanded a threesome and gave his wife one week to fulfil it! The tone of his voice when he said those words convinced her that he meant it! It was more like a monosyllabic whisper. One week passed, Uduak did nothing. She was confused. Then two weeks, nothing. On the third week came another bombshell: either Uduak gave him a threesome or he would file for divorce!

The chips were down! Uduak wept for three days! She did not want a divorce. Her religion and upbringing were against that. Her problem was consuming her. Her work started to suffer. Her colleagues noticed. The principal inquired but Uduak told everyone that everything was okay.

One day after Uduak had missed school again, her colleague, Twana, came to visit. Initially Uduak was reluctant to confide in Miss T, as students and staff called Twana. When Miss T told her the rumor circulating in school about her, Uduak broke down and cried her hearts out. 

" I will do it for you Uduak. If that's all he wants, common now, I will do it for you."

"You sure Miss T?"

"Of course, Uduak, and I swear with my life, no soul will hear about it unless you or Otunba spilled the beans!"
"You sure, Miss Twana Ivers? Look me in the eyes and promise me that I will not regret this!"
"Yes, I am sure, Mrs. Uduak Otunba! I have sworn with my life...and believe me, you will thank me for everything!" she reiterated.

Uduak got up, wiped her tears and embraced her new best friend and confidante, "after all a threesome is better than the rumor of me having HIV/AIDS!" Thus Uduak saved her marriage! Everyone was happy. Otunba reduced the duration of his trips. To him, "what was the point spending his hard earned cash on those undergrads in Naija when Miss T provided better services and for less?" He professed that life had gone back to normal or even better! He did not mind when Uduak started spending more time at Miss T's apartment or going places in her company.

Three months after the special affair began, Otunba came home to an almost empty house! Was he in a dream? Was he in his house or what? He pinched himself severally to make sure he was still alive. Where was his wife? What happened to her, her belongings, and the new living room set he bought the week before? He went "No...No...Noooo!" On the night stand in his bedroom was a letter in his wife's hand-writing. He took one look at it and collapsed on the bedroom floor and let out a shriek, "No...No...No...Noooooooooooooo! God forbid! God forbid! Nooooooooooooooo!"

After he summoned up enough courage, Otunba re-read the letter which began thus, "My beloved Otunba, Thank you very much for giving me one of the best gifts ever...!" He could not take it any more. He threw up and passed out  right there! When he came to, the reality hit him full force again. His beloved wife, Uduak, had left him and moved out of state with her new lover, Miss Twana Ivers.

NUMBER 8

By Nkiru Oh

(Disclaimer: all the names in this write-up are fictitious and have no association with anyone living or dead).

Emeka and Nene had been friends since high school. They attended the same college where both majored in Business Administration. They started dating in college and each professed to be head-over-heels with the other. Three years after college they got engaged. Emeka lived in Pennsylvania while Nene was based in New York. Both were working. Life was good. Three months to their wedding, Emeka eloped with an ex and got married in Alaska. Nene was crushed.

Ten years later, Nene ran into Emeka in a conference in Chicago. He knelt down in the hallway and asked for forgiveness. By the third day, it was a three-day conference, Nene soft-pedaled and they exchanged numbers. Within a short while, the relationship went into top gear. Emeka's friends tried to warn him against the union to no avail. His mind was made up. This time around, he wanted to do it right. Besides, Nene was SSS (single and still searching)! 

Shortly, Emeka started hearing rumors of Nene cheating on him. Each time he raised the topic, Nene would sound offended and threaten to end the relationship. She convinced Emeka that the rumors were being circulated by the 'enemies of progress'; people who were envious of them. He suggested that they should live together but Nene would not hear of it. She guarded her independence with a passion.

One beautiful summer evening, Emeka came to spend another weekend with his girl. The next day, Saturday, after they had come back from the movies, Emeka quickly freshened up and laid down on the queen-sized bed ready for some good time. While Nene was in the shower, her phone rang. Emeka reached for the receiver. What he saw on the caller Id was unbelievably hilarious. "Scumbag # 4", it said. "Wow", he chuckled, "this girl really knows how to take care of those bastards! Mmmm...no wonder all the stories they circulate about her! Fools! Damn them scumbags for sure!"

Emeka started whistling the "I Feel Good" tune. He was getting very excited. "I know what she will save my name as...'Honey', 'Sweetheart', 'Emmy', 'Mekus', or simply 'Darling'...or...or even 'The Man' as she calls me when we make love...lemme find out." Still grinning and almost bursting with pride, Emeka grabbed his cell phone and dialed his girl's number. "No way...this cannot be me!" He speed-dialed a second, third and fourth time, still the same word showed! "Jeez," he rubbed his eyes and put on his glasses, "does it mean Nene has been fooling me all this while?" He dialed a fith time, still the caller Id said, "Scumbag # 8"! Emeka started crying. "This girl is wicked o! So I, Emeka, am a Scumbag?...this witch has been calling me a scumbag all along? Chineke, I am number 8, not even number 1 or 2 or..or even 3 but number 8? God, how long has this been going on?" Emeka did not wait to find out...

"The Good Nigerians" By Nkiru Oh

The biblical story of the 'Good Samaritan' has always been enthralling. The single act of kindness shown by that man from Samaria thousands of years ago has been a source of inspiration to many.

For those not familiar with the story, it was one of Jesus' parables.  A traveler was mugged, beaten up mercilessly and left bleeding by the roadside. Many people passed by: the righteous, the religious, the wealthy....and no one cared. Then came  the Samaritan who showed compassion, took the bleeding man to the inn to be cleaned, treated and nourished.

What makes the story so unique and didactic is the nature of the man who stopped to help. He was a Samaritan! Simply put, he was a commoner, a nobody, according to the norms of his day! He was looked down upon; was probably poor and or wretched too. But he stopped, and showed compassion! How lovely!

Our nation is in shambles. The politicians have beaten the country so mercilessly and left it bleeding profusely. Alas, the nation would die if the bleeding is not stopped! The politicians, despots and some religious bigots have mugged the country for years! From planting the seeds of fear and distrust in the masses, instigating disturbances and violence, to sponsoring the militants, the list of Nigeria's wounds is endless! And while the wars rage, and the masses fight for crumbs thrown at them, those instigators are busy stashing their loots in foreign and local banks! They have shown the nation no compassion!

Again Nigerian politicians have choked the nation; thrashed her; smothered her; would not let her heal before inflicting more wounds on her. To ensure she continues hurting, the politicians continually add salt to her wounds! Nigeria has been milked to the bones and abandoned to die! And they have not shown her any mercy!

But wait, the tide is turning! The 'good Samaritans' of Nigeria have stopped by to help her. Ordinary men and women from every tribe and religion, and all the nooks and crannies of the land, have arisen with one voice to work to salvage the country. The voice of the people is said to be the voice of God! So with one accord, the great Nigerians, men and women who have compassion, are saying enough to the beatings; enough to endemic corruption; enough to religious and all senseless killings; enough to violence[ enough to bad governance; enough to lack of accountability and lawlessness; enough to deprivation and starvation, enough ...enough...oh...enough!

Because the wounds are deep to the bones, they will take time to heal. Patience is therefore needed. Since the country is already anemic and lethargic, tender loving care is also recommended. The good Nigerians, the good Samaritans of our day, who have compassion, have risen and are clamoring for change! They are ready to reclaim what is theirs, painstakingly pick up the shattered pieces, and give the country the nourishment she needs to help her to learn to sit, stand and walk again.

Yes, the great Nigerians, the patriots, ordinary men and women, taxi-drivers, the unemployed, teachers, laborers, messengers, clerks, students, civil servants, and all peace-lovers are joining hands to take care of Nigeria and stop her from bleeding to death! How awesome!